


Highkey Dodgy

by angelheartbeat



Series: A Dodgy Start To A Relationship [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, And Sollux is good at pissing people off, Eridan wants to piss off his parents, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Homophobia, Humanstuck, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slurs, Trans Eridan, Trans Eridan Ampora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-10-31 02:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10889784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelheartbeat/pseuds/angelheartbeat
Summary: Eridan is sick of his parents distrust and unsupportive natures, and yet for some reason he promised he'd be bringing a boy home in the near future.Problem #1 - he has no boyfriend.Problem #2 - no one likes him.Problem #3 - his only solution appears to be a permanently grumpy hacker.Problem #4 - the lispy hacker is hot.





	1. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie that summary is cringey

caligulasAquarium [CA]  began trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
CA: kar  
CA: it's fuckin humiliating havvin to do this   
CA: but i need a favvour   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, FISH FACE?   
CA: i may   
CA: havve told my parents id be bringin a boy home on friday   
CA: and you're one a the only people that actually like me   
CG: FUCK OFF, AMPORA   
CG: I'M NOT BEING YOUR FAKE BOYFRIEND IN ORDER TO CONVINCE YOUR PARENTS YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE.   
CA: not necessarily you   
CA: i just need somebody wwho can be an insufferable prick for one day   
CA: and be wwilling to act gay enough to trick my parents   
CA: thats all   
CG: I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.   
CG: NO PROMISES.   
CA: preferably soon   
CA: it's monday and i need a fake boyfriend for friday   
CG: I'M ALREADY CONSIDERING TAKING BACK MY OFFER TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.   
CG: DONT PUSH YOUR LUCK, FUCKASS.   
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA] 

Eridan cringed and cursed - Karkat was probably now angrier than ever, and he really needed this. For all his haughtiness and attempts to be liked, he was liked even less than the nerdiest of the nerds. There was no chance anyone would agree unless Karkat convinced them (the tiny ginger - smaller even than Eridan - could be incredibly persuasive when he wanted to be) and he desperately needed this, he needed his parents to back off a little. 

It was already bad enough how dismissive they were of his gender, he at least needed to prove that he could find someone - all the better if said someone pissed them off beyond belief. 

He poked idly at the bruise forming along his cheekbone. It wasn't anything new, but a light hiss still escaped him as he prodded it, making a mental note to stock up on concealer or something to hide the quickly purpling mark. His father's fists were harsh.

Sighing, Eridan tossed aside his phone and flopped on his bed, staring up at the white ceiling until his eyes swam. He hoped to God Karkat found someone willing to just come and pretend to be gay for just one day. Something felt very wrong about the idea of pretending he was in a relationship with someone he likely barely knew, especially if he would have to pay them - something he was expecting, but it wasn't a huge issue. He wasn't using his money for much in the first place.

He supposed it could be worse. It was just one dinner that whatever poor boy got roped in had to sit through. If Eridan had been anyone else, he wouldn't have wanted to spend any more time with his parents and brother than he had to. As it was, the time he spent with them was bad enough.

After his eyes had unfocused and refocused too many times to count he supposed he should attend to the slowly swelling bruise on his face, pushing himself up with a groan and wandering to the bathroom attached to his bedroom. There were times he was grateful that he had such a large house, and this was one of those times. It meant he didnt have to face his father. 

When he looked in the mirror he blinked in surprise. It was worse than he had thought. A rather large, swelling purple lump marred his features, making his face appear lopsided. To anyone else it would have looked highly painful, but the teen was nothing if not used to it. 

Eridan appeared rather vain and conceited to others, but he wasn't highly bothered about his looks. He supposed he had a nice face - when there wasn't swollen purple marking it - but it wasn't anything to write home about. A fucking feminine-ass face shape, a slicked back mess of black hair with his signature purple streak, stormy grey eyes that appeared purple in certain light (hidden behind hipster frames that, contrary to popular rumour, he actually did need to see properly), completed with his father's Greek complexion. 

Now wasn't the time for reflection-pondering. He splashed some water on his face and prodded his bruise again. That was gonna be a bitch to cover up. Eridan took the time to think about just how feminine he looked. It wasn't his favourite subject matter, but it was an issue that he was reminded of on a daily basis, thanks to dysphoria and his family.

Whoop-de-fuckin-do. 

Unwilling to shower thanks to the sudden surge in body dysphoria, Eridan simply wandered back into his room and stood for a moment, lost, before moving to check his phone. No messages. What did he expect? Karkat was probably a lost cause, based on how crabby he was, and it wasn't like anyone else was willing to talk to him. Possibly Fef, but she was nice to everyone and he often wondered if she really counted as his friend.

Her words rung in his ears.  _You should try being nice! People always like it when people are nice!_

He had brushed it off as Fef being Fef. After all, nicety didnt get him an escape from his mother's cutting words or his father's cutting hands or his brothers douchebaggery. Nicety wouldn't get him any less mocked in class. Nicety wouldn't help him at all, and he had never really learned how nicety worked in the first place. 

But he supposed that wasn't really an excuse. Feferi had been raised by one of the harshest women Eridan had ever met, and she turned out as possibly the nicest person in the school. He supposed he was just repulsive. Repulsive and assholish. 

He tried to tell himself, as firmly as he could, that wallowing in self-pity would get him nowhere, but wallow he did, pouting and kicking at the floor with a bare foot. Occasionally one just had to indulge in a little self-pity. That was just life. 

He briefly wondered if he'd be able to sneak out to the beach later that evening. It always relaxed him to be at the beach. Something about the smell of salt, and the waves, and how it was often deserted so he could be alone and just relax.

Yes, that was it. He would sneak out once night fell and go for a swim. Something, anything, to take his mind off the impending Friday dinner and the inevitable awkward conversations. He hoped his fake boyfriend would be nice enough to not ask too many personal, invasive questions. 

Who was he kidding? No one would want to ask questions about him. Unless they were about how much pocket money he got, in which case he would probably respond with a condescending answer before curling up in bed that night and wondering why he fucked up every interaction he had. 

He quickly set about locating his swim stuff.

* * *

The sun couldn't set soon enough that evening. Once the sky had shown the faintest hint of orange Eridan was like a horse chomping at the bit, staring out his window, nose pressed against the glass, ready to shoot out the moment he heard his parents retire for the night. He wasn't bothered about his brother - the guy was a douchebag, not a snitch - or the various servants, he knew none of them would rat him out to his parents, they were all too scared of them themselves. 

So the moment he heard heavy footsteps, accompanied by the click-clack of high heels, pass his door and move along a few before a door opened and closed while his parents settled, he was already out in the hallway, ready to escape to the nearby beach as soon as physically possible. 

Choosing to forgo his car, Eridan set off in the direction of the beach, bag slung over his shoulder, already clad in his swim gear. He could forget about Friday for a moment and focus on what was really important - swimming.

The beach was deserted when he got there, which was just what he was hoping, and the sky was turning to the same deep purple as the bruise on his cheek. He chose to ignore this fact, setting down his things. He removed his glasses, causing everything to blur significantly, and he scowled at his poor eyesight before folding his glasses and placing them gently next to his bag, before jumping straight into the water.

And the water was fucking cold. It made him gasp and shudder, his body temperature immediately dropping as he trod water and kept a blurry but watchful eye on his bag. He had never been able to rid himself of the paranoia that came with leaving possessions unattended in a public place, no matter how empty the public place appeared to be. 

Once he was adjusted to the water, which only took a few moments thanks to how often he had done this, he began swimming about, riding on the crests of waves and flipping about, revelling in the refreshing cold of the sea after the stressful day he had had. It had never felt nicer, laying in the ocean, and he looked up at the stars with a contented gaze, able to forget about his troubles for just a few minutes.

Eventually he had to crawl back onto the shore, shivering and dripping, the tank top and binder he had neglected to remove clinging to him, while his swim trunks just dripped water heavily. He trembled as he wrapped his towel around him, before plunking his sweet ass down on the sand and watching the waves crash against the shore, glasses once again firmly secured on his nose.

The beach always felt different to him - he would describe it as magical, if all sense of magic hadn't been quite literally beaten out of him. Something about it just felt perfect, like he was meant to be there, like it was his home in a past life or something. He had gazed out at that horizon more times than he'd care to admit, longing for something he couldn't reach and hoping for something he couldn't get.

He was so lost in thought he didnt notice his phone buzzing with messages until he zoned back in, picking it up with a flutter in his chest. Someone wanted to speak to him. Someone was actually messaging him first, without him having to go and practically beg for conversation. Being so starved of positive human interaction made him skittish and restless, and the mere idea of someone initiating the conversation made him want to go dive back into the ocean in joy.

Until it was Karkat that messaged him. Then he just kinda wanted to choke himself with his own scarf. God knew the tiny kid would probably threaten to do it anyway.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]   
CG: ALRIGHT, SUSHI DICK.   
CG: I'VE FOUND SOMEONE WHO'LL BE YOUR DINNER WHORE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED HIM FOR.   
CG: BUT HE WON'T DO IT FOR CHEAP SO YOU'D BETTER CRACK OPEN THAT WALLET, YOU RICH LITTLE SHIT.   
CG: AND TRUST ME, HE'S THE MOST OBNOXIOUS, INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE YOU'LL EVER MEET.   
CG: WELL EXCEPT FOR YOURSELF.   
CA: holy shit   
CA: that wwas quick   
CG: I CAN JUST TELL HIM YOURE NOT INTERESTED ANYMORE, YOU KNOW.   
CG: LOOK, HE'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE AND MONEY IS OFTEN AN ISSUE FOR HIM AND HIS FAMILY SO HELP HIM OUT HERE, ALRIGHT?   
CG: HE'S HELPING YOU OUT SO RETURN THE FAVOUR, DIPSHIT.   
CA: wwhoa hey i aint complainin   
CA: wwhats his handle   
CG: TWINARMAGEDDONS.   
CG: AND I SWEAR TO GOG IF I GET ONE WHIFF OF A RUMOUR THAT YOUVE HURT HIM IN ANY WAY I'M GOING TO SHOVE YOUR PRETENTIOUS HIPSTER SCARF SO FAR UP YOUR ASS IT'LL COME OUT YOUR MOUTH.   
CA: im not gonna hurt him   
CA: all he has to do is make some jokes about equality an eat kinda messy and my parents wwill hate him   
CA: plus im payin him for it   
CA: youre a lifesavver, kar   
CG: IM NOT, HE IS   
CG: JUST   
CG: DONT MAKE ANYTHING WEIRD   
CG: ALRIGHT   
Ca: wwhat does makin things wweird entail   
CG: I DONT KNOW, HIT ON HIM FOR REAL OR SOMETHING. JUST DONT FUCK ANYTHING UP   
CG: YOU CAN MEET UP AND DISCUSS THIS INCREDIBLY DODGY DINNER DATE OR WHATEVER   
CG: I'VE DONE MY JOB   
CG: NIGHT, ASSHOLE   
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA] 

Well, despite Karkat being an ass about it, that was a weight off Eridans shoulders. Now he just had to message this guy, find out his terms and conditions or whatever, pay him his money, make it through Friday and hopefully never have to do this again. 

He got to gathering his things quickly after a glance at the time. The hours had flown past while he was swimming, as they always did, and it was significantly later than it had been when he'd snuck out here, meaning he'd have a hell of a time getting back.

Adjusting his glasses, Eridan swung his bag onto his shoulder and set off for home, moving fast and nimbly, slipping back through the side entrance into the kitchen and removing his shoes immediately to pad about in bare feet. Cold feet from the icy marble was better than making noise with clicking shoes and waking somebody up. 

He stopped by the fridge to pick something up when his stomach growled in complaint, but after a poke at his belly he decided against it, low self-esteem kicking in and refusing to allow him to eat. Instead, he dropped his shoes off where they came from and scampered up the stairs, careful on the creaking ones, and slipping back into his room with a relieved huff. 

Checking the time again, he instinctively yawned, despite it being only just past midnight. He was still kinda wet and salty, though, and his hair would be hell if he didn't dry it off properly. He couldn't exactly have a shower, though, so he stood there for a moment with his hand half running through his soaked locks, pulling them away from his face as he frowned.

Eventually he decided on just towelling himself down loads, and retrieved the fluffy towels in his bathroom to perform the task. His hair was quickly fluffed up and dried off, and he allowed it to stick out everywhere. He would just gel it the next morning. His body was similarly dried off, before he pulled on his pajamas and returned the towels to their normal place, now damp. 

Yawning, Eridan crawled into bed and placed his phone on charge, before removing his glasses, folding them and placing them on his bedside table. What was visible in his room got a lot blurrier, and before long he was drifting off into dreams full of fake boyfriends and skies as purple as bruises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont have much practice in writing Eridan, so hopefully this is acceptable?


	2. Tuesday Act One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the last chapter changed (if anyone noticed that) bc I Have a Plan

The next morning came way too fast for Eridans liking, and it was with a groan and a pounding headache that he rolled out of bed. Slipping on his glasses helped marginally to wake him up, but one glance in the mirror confirmed that he looked how he felt - like shit. 

He yawned as he padded into the bathroom, tempted to shower right then - although he normally showered at night - to rid himself of the salt in his bedhead and the smell of beach that clung to him. Eventually, a look at the clock told him that if he did he'd be late, and he simply brushed his teeth, gelled his hair, neglected to put concealer on the dark purple bruise across his cheek (a fact he wouldn't notice until later), and all but ran back out to get dressed.

Unwilling to find something new to wear, Eridan simply shoved on the clothes from the day before, scowling at his damp binder. He wound his trademark scarf around his neck, slipped his trademark rings on his fingers, clipped his trademark cape around his neck, adjusted his appearance in the mirror, and prepared to face his family for the first time that day.

Oh, joy. 

He attempted to slip downstairs unnoticed, another glance at the time on his phone informing him that no, he did not have time for breakfast. That somewhat annoyed him, most important part of the day and all that, but he was too set on making it to school on time every day. He knew how nerdy it was but fuck it, he'd rather have the satisfaction of knowing he managed to make it than the approval of his peers. 

Luckily, he didn't run into either of his parents or his brother, which was mildly surprising but very much welcomed. He definitely didn't hang around to see them, either, he got his ass in his car and drove off as soon as he possibly could. Hasta la vista for today, assholes. 

Pulling into his regular parking spot, Eridan smoothed back his hair and attempted to tame the one errant curl that seemed hellbent on falling into his eyes. Unsuccessful, he sighed and prepared himself for yet another day at everyone's  _favourite_ place - school. 

No one paid any attention to him as he slipped through the halls, but he caught a couple of people sticking their legs out to trip him, and it was only through reflex and observation did he manage to hop over them, earning him scowls from the owners of the legs. He simply flipped them off in return and made it to his first class just as the bell was ringing, hiding in the back like he always did.

The periods seemed to drag on for days, and it was blessed relief when Eridan could finally escape to lunch and see his friends for the first time that day. Well. The people he liked to call his friends that probably weren't actually his friends but he hung out with them anyway because they liked him marginally more than the rest of the school. 

Yeah. Those guys. 

Only this time, their lunch table was crowded with new faces, deepening Eridans scowl as he slipped into his regular seat next to Karkat. The tiny sweater-clad ginger was ranting on about something or other, as he often was, to a brunet with glasses on the opposite side of the table. Eridan couldn't be bothered to listen in, so he just poked at the food on his tray and waited for Karkat to pause. 

Karkat didn't pause, but he did turn to Eridan in greeting, and only then did he pause, thick eyebrows furrowing together. 

"What the fuck happened to your face, fish dick?" came the gravelly voice, and the new people on the table leaned in interestedly. Eridan scowled even more, remembering the swollen purple mark marring his face, cursing himself for not remembering concealer that morning. 

"I got mugged," he lied quickly, hoping the redhead would accept it, and luckily he did, but not without his frown deepening. 

"Whatever. We've got some new guys."

"I noticed."

"I'm John!" piped up the brunet Karkat had been ranting to, looking singularly relieved that he was released from Karkats angry tirade. "John Egbert."

"Rose Lalonde. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." This speaker was a rather pretty girl, Eridan thought, her face framed by a perfect blonde pixie cut, as she inclined her head elegantly. She appeared to be wearing rather gothic clothes, accompanied by thick black lipstick, and while the choices were unconventional, they suited her. 

The next to introduce themselves was a rather bubbly brunette with even bigger glasses than Eridan and dental problems to match John's. Eridan briefly wondered if they were related, until she spoke up her name. "Jade Harley!! Hello!"

The last one was tipping his chair back onto two legs and, oddly, was sporting sunglasses. Was that allowed? Didn't schools have like, something against sunglasses? He didn't say anything, just smirked and raised one hand in greeting. 

"That's Strider," Karkat supplied, glaring at the blond. "Hes an insufferable prick almost to the levels of you, Eridan."

"Charming," Strider spoke, words tinged with a thick Texan accent. "It's Dave. Dave Strider. That's the way the quote is, right? I can't fuckin remember."

"It's Bond, James Bond, Dave!" John chided, giggling good-naturedly at his friend's fuckup, and Dave shrugged. 

Eridan didn't quite know how to feel. On the one hand, these people seemed nice, and they weren't immediately scorning him, so hope was gathering in his stomach that just maybe, he might have some new friends. On the other hand, this was all very sudden, and he felt somewhat overwhelmed. 

"So what about you?" asked Jade, grinning at him. Eridan blinked a little, noticing that all of the other five were looking at him. 

"Oh, w-well, I'm Eridan, Eridan Ampora." Eridan said, cursing just how female his voice sounded, and how he stuttered on his w like he always did in his messages. 

"That's a rather intense bruise for being mugged, Eridan," Rose commented, leaning on her hand and looking at him critically with lilac eyes. "It looks rather like you've been punched. Quite hard, might I add."

All eyes turned to Eridan, and he felt himself flushing. "Uh... Yeah. I w-was punched." The eyes didn't leave and although they didn't seem critical or rude, the idea of eyes being fixed on him after years in the life he grew up with was scary. 

Luckily, Jade filled the terrifying silence with cheerful talking. "That must have been awful! Did they steal anything important?"

"Just some... money, and some... w-well, nothing wery important." Eridan cringed internally at his mangling of the letter v, but nobody seemed to notice, and if they did, they didn't mention it. 

Before anyone could respond to that, Eridan felt arms wrap around him from behind, pulling him into a tight hug, and the familiar giggle of the only girl in the school richer than him. She was basically royalty, and certainly treated like it. 

"Glub glub, Eridan!" Feferi called cheerfully, smoothly grabbing a chair and sitting between Eridan and Karkat. "Who are the new fronds?"

Everyone introduced themselves once again, and Feferi smiled wide. Her grin was full of power and warm, open friendliness, and her approachable demeanor was only strengthened by her multiple necklaces and bracelets, not to mention the flower-and-shell crown she had placed in her thick hair. She burst with vibrancy and colour, and as she immediately engaged in an excited conversation with Jade, Eridan couldn't help but feel washed out beside her. That was always the way with Feferi.

She didnt need to know that he had harboured (hah, fish puns) a crush on her since they had become best friends. He knew he'd be rejected, and somehow, her bubbly personality would make the rejection hurt that bit more, because Feferi hardly ever turned anyone down. Besides, he was fairly sure she thought he was gay - and he was bi, yes with a preference for guys (so he tended to say he was gay to make things easier for himself), and the crush was luckily fading, and fading fast. It was still lingering somewhat, but it had been rather put off by finding Feferi aggressively making out with some random girl at a party one time. Now he just felt washed out for different reasons.

"... dan?"

"Hm?" Eridan looked up as the latter part of his name filtered through his thoughts, and he couldn't tell who had said it, so he opted to twist a ring around his finger instead. 

"We were just asking if you wanted to catch a movie with us!" John clarified, grinning goofily. Eridan felt his cheeks heat up. This couldn't be happening. There was no way he'd suddenly have friends willing to hang out with him. They must be playing a prank. Yes, that must be it.

"I don't know-w, I hawe an aw-wful lot a things to do," Eridan said, realizing how condescending and pretentious he sounded just a second too late, after John's face had fallen. 

"Oh. Well that's okay!" the brunet said, picking up his cheerfulness yet again, but Eridan could see Karkat scowling. He should've just said yes. Why the fuck didn't he say yes? 

He stood up abruptly, drawing the attention of all the others, and avoided their gazes, pushing his glasses up his nose and stepping away from the table. "I hawe homew-work to do," he said quickly, for lack of a better excuse, and absconded out of there as quickly as he could. Fuck. Fuck, he was such a fucking idiot. Uuugh, why did he do that? 

Eridan swept through the halls, cursing to himself, and hardly even noticed that his feet had carried him right outside the computer labs. He was about to curse again and turn away, but someone shoved through the door just as he paused, and smashed right into him, knocking them both to the floor. 

"W-watch w-where you're goin, you ass!" Eridan yelled as he landed hard on his ass, wincing in pain at the hard contact. The person who had knocked him over was on their hands and knees, seemingly fuming, and looked up at him with his eyebrows drawn together in clear fury, even over the 3D glasses he was sporting. 

He was the most beautiful person Eridan had ever seen. He even overtook Feferi. 

His features were soft, despite currently being twisted into a snarl. From what Eridan could see over the inexplicable 3D glasses, his eyes were different colours, one blue and one reddish-brown, corresponding with the colours on the glasses. His hair was messy and dark, looking like it hadn't seen a brush in weeks, and his canine teeth stuck out alarmingly. 

He was gorgeous. 

"How about you watch your fucking thtep, athhole?" the boy growled, with a heavy lisp. Okay, so even his voice was simultaneously sexy and adorable. Eridan was having an internal meltdown.

"I had ewery right to be there! You w-were the one to showe out a that door like ya own the place!" Eridan spat. Play the hate card. Good job.

"Ewery? Thhowe? At leatht I can thay my fucking Vth!"

"Says the one w-with a lisp!"

They glared at each other, both still sitting on the floor, before the stranger pulled himself up and dusted himself off, not bothering to help Eridan up. Eridan scoffed and pulled himself up as well. Cod, this guy seemed like an asshole. 

And he was also insufferably hot and had the cutest voice Eridan had ever heard, even when he was lisping insults like a child. Eridan cast a critical eye over him now he was upright, noting with a slight curse that the stranger towered over him. His fashion sense appeared awful - different coloured shoes, different coloured sleeves underneath a black t-shirt sporting a yellow stripe like a bee, pants that only reached his ankle and that fucking messy-ass hair. 

Something twisted in Eridans stomach and he realised with a scowl that it was attraction. He had never wanted to kiss someone more. 

All of a sudden, the stranger turned around and walked away, and Eridan was hit with a desperate urge to run after him and mash their lips together, or at the very least ask their name. 

Oh fuck, he still had the huge bruise on his face. Way to make first impressions, Eridan. 

But before he could lament further over this impossible encounter - Karkat would probably call it love at first sight, that fucking hopeless romantic - the bell rung harshly, hurrying him to class with no time to think properly. 

The lessons dragged on yet again, and eventually Eridan was freed, immediately rushing to his car. He had to try and forget about that stranger. He had been haunting the short brunets thoughts ever since they had bumped into each other. 

He drove home at a speed that was probably over what was safe, but he was too busy muttering to himself to care. The bruise on his cheek had started to ache more, and he rubbed at it absentmindedly when he stopped at a red light. Eventually he pulled in at home, made his way in through the side entrance, tried to ignore the growling of his stomach - he actually hadn't eaten any gross cafeteria food so now he was starving but, as always, his brain was yelling at him not to - and essentially ran upstairs, where he collapsed on his bed. 

The thought of Friday floated into his mind and he groaned, digging his phone out from his pocket, supposing he should message this twinArmageddons person. It would be hard to focus on a fake boyfriend when he appeared to have a totally unfounded crush on a random guy he had met once. That lingering crush on Feferi was thrown out of the window. Bye bye, memories, hello lisping strangers outside the computer lab. 

And hello, he supposed, fake boyfriend. Ugh. 

caligulasAquarium [CA]  began trolling  twinArmageddons [TA]  
CA: hello?   
CA: kar told me this wwas the handle a the guy wwho agreed to help me out   
CA: if it's not you can tell me to fuck off or wwhatevver   
TA: iif thii2 ii2 "MY RICH DOUCHEBAG SORT-OF FRIEND ERIDAN" then ye2.   
TA: iif not then no.   
CA: im eridan   
CA: look i knoww this is really fuckin awwkwward   
TA: yeah no 2hiit.   
CA: wwhats your name anywway   
TA: 2ollux.   
TA: captor.   
TA: 2ollux captor.   
CA: wwas it necessary to repeat it   
TA: 2ure iit wa2.  
CA: okay wwell   
CA: do you knoww wwhat youre actually doin   
TA: beiing your diinner whore wa2 how kk put it.   
CA: a course he wwould   
CA: in essence this friday you just need to come to mine, eat food kinda messily, piss off asshole parents by actin gay and obnoxious, make them hate you and provve a point   
TA: and what poiint would that be?  
CA: unimportant that's wwhat   
CA: they just need to think wweve been datin for like a feww months or so   
CA: so wwe should probably have like a covver story   
TA: and you'll pay me?   
CA: under a thousand pounds yes   
CA: anythin more and my parents wwill get suspicious   
TA: whoa.   
TA: holy 2hiit.  
TA: well ii dont want two do thii2 but wiith money liike that ii have two.  
CA: *to   
TA: what.   
CA: you used the wwrong to   
TA: doe2 iit 2eem liike ii care?   
TA: two2 are kiind of my thiing a22hole.   
CA: wwhatevver  
TA: your a priick.   
CA: *youre   
TA: fuck off.  
TA: 2o what are we gonna meet up and have a powwow or what?  
CA: i mean im free right noww   
CA: so   
TA: 2o youre 2aying riight now.   
CA: pretty much   
TA: alriight then.   
TA: where the fuck doe2 your riich a22 liive?  
CA: my house is probably not the best place to discuss fake relationships   
CA: lets meet near school or something   
CA: assumin you go to the same school as kar   
TA: alriight whatever.   
TA: 2ee ya iin liike fiive miinute2.   
twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

Eridan blinked down at his phone, and it took a second to sink in that he had to leave. It took another second to sink in how stupid this was. He didnt even know what the guy looked like! 

Regardless, he stood up and made his way back downstairs, getting into his car for the third time that day. It felt odd, getting in his car and not preparing for a day of pretending he was better than everyone when they all hated him anyway. He never usually met up outside of that. 

It didn't take long before he was outside the school, and with a confused glance around, he noticed that no one was there except - oh fuck. Hot lisping 3D-glasses guy. 

If only that could be Eridans fake boyfriend, he'd quite happily pretend to date him. He'd quite happily genuinely date him.

Hot lisping 3D-glasses guy was leaning against a railing, lazily typing something on his phone. Eridan heard his own phone ding with a notification, and with a scowl he dug it out to check it.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]   
TA: you here yet?  
CA: wwell yes but i dont think i see you   
CA: there's just some ass in 3d glasses wwho shovved me ovver today   
TA: waiit.  
TA: what the fuck.  
TA: iim iin 3d gla22e2.   
TA: theyre kiinda my thiing.   
TA: plus ii gue22 ii 2orta 2hoved 2omeone over today?  
TA: no fuckiing way.

Eridans head snapped up from his phone and, sure enough, hot lisping 3D-glasses guy was staring right at him. He felt his stomach twist as their eyes met and hot lisping 3D-glasses guy - or he supposed he should really say Sollux - began to walk over to him, making his heart pound embarrassingly loudly. 

What the fuck were the odds?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this turned out really fucking long and I dont want it to get too long so I guess my plan isn't gonna work perfectly but it's worth it for balanced chapter lengths because yes I'm weird abt that sort of thing
> 
> Im so sorry if I fuck up interactions or anything aaahah
> 
> Next chapter there'll be some actual dialogue between Eridan and Sollux woohoo


	3. Tuesday Act Two

The two teens stared each other down, neither of them making a move. Both were tucking their phones back into their pockets and sort-of glaring at one another, but Sollux seemed more interested in scanning Eridan from top to bottom. 

"Jutht my luck," he muttered, seemingly to himself, and probably presuming Eridan couldn't hear him. Eridan flushed slightly. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"So, uh," the smaller of the two began awkwardly, tapping with a ring on his car. How does one go about discussing anything with the hottest person that you've ever met - who, incidentally, you have to pretend to be dating in less than a week, and oh  _fuck they'd probably have to kiss._

Sollux raised an eyebrow. "Great vocabulary."

"Fuck off." Wow, what an excellent start. 

"Look, rich thhit. I dont have all day, tho are we going to do anything or thhould I jutht head home now?" Oh shit, Sollux was probably getting angry. Taking a deep breath, Eridan puffed himself up to his full height - rather unimpressive in comparison - and glowered at the other boy, trying to summon all the pride his father had beat into him.

"I'd suggest you dont speak to me that w-way," he said, as regally as he could, but the crack in his voice and his stuttered w didn't do much to help his case, only serving to put a crooked, toothy smile on Sollux's face. Cod he needed a dentist appointment. 

"Mm, yeth, very imprethive. I'm thhaking in my bootth."

Eridan cast a glance to Sollux's feet. "You're not w-wearing boots."

That earned him a snort of laughter and a disbelieving look that felt horribly condescending. How dare this... this... sexy stranger stand there and laugh at him! Eridan could feel himself blushing and pulled his face into a frown, glaring at his own feet and shuffling them awkwardly.

"Why the fuck did I agree to this?" the taller of the two asked, to no one in particular.

Eridan scowled and looked back up at Sollux, staring him down through those ridiculous 3D glasses that he wore for no conceivable reason. "Because I'm payin' you and I needed a fawour. This w-works out for both a us. Alright?"

"Alright, alright. Didnt you thay we needed a cover thtory?"

Blinking, the shorter brunet nodded slowly. "Um, yes. Yes w-we do."

Gesturing round at the empty school parking lot, Sollux leaned back against Eridans car, earning him a glare. "Tho are we gonna thtay here or what? Real romantic thetting, ED."

ED? Who the hell was ED? He couldn't be giving him a nickname already. Well, two could play at that game. 

"W-well, Sol, w-we could go somew-where else if you'd rather. Its not like I'm the one enlisting your help, and I'd quite like to stay here, oh no." Hah. Nicknames already. Eridan mentally patted himself on the pack.

Sollux grinned, not responding to the nickname, and spun around to the passenger side, opening the door and leaning over the top of the car briefly to smile at Eridan. "And it'th not like I'm the one actually helping you. Let'th go." And that cheeky fucker actually pulled down his glasses and shot Eridan a wink, while simultaneously confirming that his eyes were startlingly different colours. It was stupidly attractive, and Eridan could feel his little gay heart speeding up. 

He muttered to himself as he slid in the driver's seat next to Sollux, who was already fiddling with everything. "W-where do you w-wanna go?" he asked, already exasperated with Sollux's uncooperative nature and flustered by how much he loved it.

Sollux shrugged. "We could go to mine. My brotherth home, but I'll tell him not to bother uth. He'th kind of a handful, though. Maybe we'll luck out and hith girlfriend will be home. Or not, they might be fucking."

Eridan wrinkled his nose. "Lowely. W-well, w-we can't go to mine, so w-why the fuck not."

He started up the car, the engine of it thrumming in time with his heart at the idea of this fucking hot-ass stranger sitting in his car and fiddling with the Aquarius air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror.

"W-where am I goin?" he asked faintly, breathing through his nose to try and appear calm but only realizing that he could faintly smell something different over the aforementioned air freshener, and he very much suspected it was Sollux. It smelt vaguely like a blend of shitty cologne, Doritos, energy drinks and... honey? Unusual. But it wasn't something he had ever smelt in his car before, and that stood to mean it was something new, and the only new thing currently in his car was a lanky, lispy teen with hair that badly needed brushing.

"I'll give you the directionth ath we go," floated through his subconscious, and Eridan realised he had probably been staring into space as he lowkey fantasized about the guy sitting next to him, and almost smacked his own face in frustration at how ridiculous he was. 

He quickly backed out of the parking lot and onto the road, driving along quietly with Sollux interjecting every now and then to tell him which way to turn. He wondered why Sollux hadn't brought his own car. Had he been dropped off? This distance seemed far too far to walk.

"You know, thomething theems highkey dodgy about thith whole thing, ED. Take a left here." Sollux said, after a few moments of awkward silence. 

"Oh really?"

"I mean, you're paying me to pretend I'm your boyfriend. That doethnt theem dodgy to you? It'th like I really am your dinner whore. Keep going thtraight for a while, there aren't many turnth for a bit." Flashing him a grin that Eridan valiantly tried to return, Sollux didn't seem mad or upset, just sorta chilled out. Eridan swallowed and tried not to break the lessening tension between them. 

In the end he settled on mumbling "I suppose so," in awkward response and keeping his eyes trained on the road, tugging at his scarf in what he hoped looked like a cool, composed gesture. 

"You wanna play twenty quethtionth?"

Well that was unexpected. 

"Pardon?" Eridan looked sideways at his passenger and blinked at him, but Sollux had his eyes closed, stretched out with.. ugh, his feet on the dashboard. "Get your filthy feet off my car, first of all."

Sollux didn't open either eye, his glasses slipping slightly down his nose, but he smoothly pushed them back up and returned to lounging. "You know, I could jutht tell your parentth you dont  _actually_ have a boyfriend?"

"Excuse me, am I bein' blackmailed by a lisping, gangly teenager with dental problems and poor fashion sense?"

"You know it."

"Ugh. W-whatewer. Let's play the fuckin twenty questions."

The passenger of the car perked up at that, mercifully removing the offending limbs from Eridans dashboard and chewing on his lip to think. It was horribly distracting, and Eridan was sort of worried he might crash the car if he kept taking sideways glances. Killing your hot fake boyfriend on a discussion about said fake boyfriendery on some sort of fake date-not-date is probably not the correct etiquette one should employ for these sorts of situations. Or something.

"Alright, eathy one to thtart with. What'th your thurname?"

Eridan blinked at that. "Kar didn't tell ya?"

"Nope. Just kept referring to you ath "that dickbag Eridan. Go right."

"That's odd, he has a penchant for calling people by their surnames. In any case, its Ampora."

"I know, right? KK ith... weird. And Ampora? That'th a weird thurname."

"Oh yeah, like Captor is any better!"

"It ith, thank you very much. Go left, then right here. Your turn."

Eridan took a moment to think. What could he ask that wouldn't be invasive but would also reveal to him more about this cutie probably-with-a-booty-he-hadnt-got-a-good-look-yet that was currently sitting in his car as he drove and tried not to crash because said cutie was  _so_ cutie and he was acting  _so_ fucking gay.

"What are your hobbies?" he eventually decided on, nodding to himself in satisfaction. Not too pushy, but not too reserved either. Good one, Ampora.

"Hm." Sollux leaned back and Eridan wasn't sure if he knew, but his tongue poked out from between his crooked teeth and god if that wasn't the cutest thing. "I like coding, not thleeping, eating junk food, any kind of computer thit, and looking after bees even though I'm allergic. Thtraight on."

Well, that would explain the faint smell of honey. But why the hell would he like looking after bees if he was allergic? Couldn't that, like, kill him?

"Okay. Your turn."

"How did you get that bruithe on your face?"

Eridan scowled, remembering the swelling and purpling across his cheekbone. He had completely fucking forgotten about that. "I got mugged," he said roughly, really not wanting to delve into the actual how and why. Easier to just continue the lie he started with Karkat and the others.

"Hm."

"My turn?"

"Your turn. Go right here."

Eridan thought again, gnawing on his bottom lip and flicking his eyes to and fro on the road in front of him. He pushed his glasses higher up his face and was struck with inspiration. "W-why do you w-wear 3D glasses and not, like, regular glasses?"

Sollux chuckled, low and rough, and it sent shivers down Eridans spine. "I gotta protect my identity thomehow, athhole."

"Oh."

"Nah. Kidding. It'th cauthe of thethe mithmatched fuckerth." Out of the corner of his eye, Eridan could see Sollux removing his glasses and gesturing at his bi-coloured eyes, and he took his own eyes off the road for just long enough to gaze deep into them. They gave Sollux a sort of lopsided, otherworldly look. "Everyone in my family hath them, and my brother hath like a whole fuckin helmet vithor thing to cover hith. But I jutht like the 3D glatheth. Do you actually need your glatheth to thee? We're almotht at my houthe anyway."

Eridan harrumphed slightly and adjusted his glasses again. "Yes, I do, thank you wery much. Which house is yours?"

Sollux pointed out a nondescript little place, the mailbox painted with obnoxious bee stripes. Eridan drove nearly next to it and parked carefully. He was toying with the idea of play-flirting (but like, actually flirting) by pretending to open Sollux's door for him, but the guy beat him to it. Before he could even think, his door was being opened by a sarcastically grinning Sollux, smirking down at him, and he flipped him off and climbed out quite ungracefully, almost tripping.

"So this is your house?" Eridan asked as they moved up the driveway. It seemed like a nice enough place, but he supposed he didn't have much perspective, growing up in mansions and all. It was a little messy, but he felt a warmth in his chest looking around at the kinda rough little place, like this was the kind of environment he was meant to be in. 

"Yep." Sollux fished out a set of keys with a bumblebee keychain, and Eridan almost giggled, until he remembered he had a seahorse hanging from his own set of keys. "If Mituna jumpth on you, jutht... try not to freak out. Or provoke him."

The door unlocked and swung open, revealing a small and messy little place, wires all over the place, like the inhabitants were computer hermits or something. 

"Tuna? You home?" Sollux called, and Eridan was struck with how soft he sounded calling for his brother. It occurred to him also how suddenly this was moving, as though they were in a poorly-written badly-paced fan fiction or something. Darn you, 4th wall.

All of a sudden, a flash of yellow and black went barreling into Sollux, and before Eridan could react the other teen was on the floor, the flash of yellow and black holding onto him tightly and snuggling into him. He did indeed have a helmet, a yellow one with what looked like headphones attached to it, and when he turned his head slightly Eridan could see a red-and-blue visor obscuring his eyes.

"THOLLUXTH!!!! YOU'RE HOME!!" the flash cried delightedly, and Sollux laughed, even though he was probably being crushed, and yet again Eridan felt that warmth in his chest. Was this what brothers were meant to look like? Even without meaning to, he found himself mourning the connection he never had with his own brother.

"Yep, Tuna, I'm home. You doing alright?" Sollux asked, pushing his brother off somewhat, and the ball of energy complied, shooting up and bouncing on his feet. He was a little shorter than Sollux, but taller than Eridan, and wearing what appeared to be a yellow and black jumpsuit. 

"I'thve been great!! Tulip came othver and we played gamesth! But I think I meththed up... Sthhe stheemed kinda upthset..." Mitunas tone was suddenly sad, and Sollux's face melted into brotherly affection, pulling the guy into a hug and rubbing the top of his helmet in what was probably a normal gesture, because Mituna brightened up considerably. Eridan shuffled from foot to foot awkwardly, tugging at his scarf and trying not to intrude on the brotherly moment. 

"I'm thure the's fine, Tuna. Why dont you call her? I've got a friend over, tho..."

Mituna nodded brightly. "Okay!!"

And with that, he streaked back into the building, allowing Sollux to dust himself off and grimace apologetically at Eridan, who was chewing his lip and trying to look like he fit in somehow. "Thorry about that, ED. I love the guy, but... you thaw how he wath."

They resumed entering the house, and Eridan looked about him in wonder, noticing Mituna sitting by a TV with what looked like some kind of racing game on it, a phone in one hand and a controller in the other. He was wrapped in a yellow blanket, and Eridan smiled almost fondly at the sight.

"If you don't mind me askin, w-what happened to him?" he asked Sollux's back as the taller teen led him through the house. The back stiffened, and Eridan worried he had fucked up massively.

"I do mind you athking." came the cold reply, and Eridan nodded, even though Sollux couldn't see him. Definitely fucked up there.

Eventually they came to a door and as Sollux opened it without knocking, Eridan assumed it must be his own room. He looked about him in barely-restrained curiosity, the only thing holding him back from examining every object intensely being basic courtesy and his own awkward half-serious half-scared personality.

He had a small bed littered with crumbs and half-empty bottles and cans of what appeared to be various energy drinks, and a few coffee mug rings on a low wooden table beside his bed. A laptop sat, open, on his pile of blankets, and across the room a desk sat with a powered off computer atop it. Miscellaneous items and trash was everywhere, and wires created a maze on the floor that Sollux seemed to traverse naturally. It was a world away from Eridans own perfect, orderly white and violet room, and he suddenly realised just how much he hated the perfection. Sollux's room felt like paradise.

"Welcome. Make yourthelf comfortable or whatever," Sollux said offhandedly, moving to his laptop and muttering a quiet  _fuck off, KK_ before shutting the lid down and looking at Eridan. The latter was currently spinning in slow circles, attempting to take in as much as he could of the world he had stepped into, eyes wide and mouth half hanging open.

"Your room is amazin," Eridan breathed, stopping his slow spin to face Sollux on his bed. Sollux raised an eyebrow and grinned toothily.

"Ya think tho? Dad'th alwayth nagging me to clean my room, but I like it methy."

"Hah, you'd hate my room," Eridan responded offhandedly, yet again pulling at his scarf. Sollux tilted his head slightly.

"You a neat freak or thomething?"

"Uh.. A little, but your room is amazin. Mine is..." He winced, not finishing the sentence, and Sollux seemed to pick up on the unwanted conversation topic, quickly taking the initiative and changing it. 

"Tho... Cover thtory?"

Eridan smiled gratefully. "Yeah."

And so, somehow, Eridan found himself sitting on his newfound crushes bed, talking about their completely fake dating past and discussing how they would handle physical affection. Eridan blushed embarrassingly every time Sollux brought up kissing, even though he knew it was inevitable - they probably needed some proof of their relationship. It was oddly fun, discussing everything in the cozy environment that smelled strongly of junk food and honey, curled in a pile of soft blankets and snorting with laughter at Sollux's sarcasm and dry humour. 

Eridan couldn't remember having this much fun in a long time.

At least, it was fun until he checked the time and realised he was meant to have been home two hours beforehand. Looks like the bruise on his cheek would be added to tonight.

"Shit, fuck, I gotta go," Eridan said, jumping off the bed like he had been electrocuted. Sollux looked at him in confusion over the top of his laptop screen - they had started using it to take notes, Eridan having too much anxiety about his parents finding his phone and subsequently, the notes (of course, he didnt tell Sollux that was why). 

"Thith is thudden," Sollux said, not angrily, just confusedly. Eridan cursed, falling over as he attempted to pull on the shoes he had thrown off hours beforehand.

"My parents are gonna kill me," he said, looking around wildly to see if anything had been left anywhere. Sollux set aside his laptop and frowned at him.

"Well, okay, I get that." 

The taller followed the shorter out of the room, Eridan starting to panic externally as well as internally. It wasn't helped by him being assaulted by a bee-coloured flash when he entered the living room, Mituna's helmet now abandoned to reveal dandelion-like black hair that needed a brush even worse than Sollux's did.

Eridan almost screamed when he was knocked to the floor, but resisted the urge on the principle of staying manly. Sollux pulled his brother off him and quietly berated him for not wearing his helmet, while Mituna squirmed and complained.

"Man, your facthe isth fucked up!" Tuna crowed, pointing at the bruise on Eridans face, who put a hand over it self-consciously.  _It'll be a whole lot more fucked up if I dont get home three hours ago,_ he thought grimly, rushing to the door as soon as he appeared to be released from Mituna entirely.

"ED!"

He was caught by a hand as he ran out of the door, turning to see Sollux looking almost.. shy?

"You'll come again tomorrow, right?" the brunet asked, and if Eridan wasn't mistaken he could see a light blush colouring his pale cheeks. His heart stopped. Goddamn that was adorable, and it wasn't like he could just say no to the boy he had been slowly falling in love with for the past few hours, could he?

"Yes. Yes, I w-will." Eridan said, sounding far more confident than he felt. After all, he didn't know what the hell his dad would do to him. It could mean he couldn't show his face at school for god knew how long.

Sollux nodded and let him continue running to his car. Eridan didnt hesitate, revving up the engine and speeding away faster than was safe or probably legal. If he had slowed down, he might have caught bi-coloured eyes watching him with concern, but instead he just revved away as fast as he possibly could, fear colouring his every action.

* * *

"Hello there,  _son._ "

The tone was cold, and Eridan cringed as he walked through the door. He would know that tone anywhere, anytime. It meant pain was in his future. Even more so when he was referred to as son - his parents typically only acknowledged his gender when it was convenient for them, aka when they felt like mocking and hurting him. 

"Hello, Father," he responded dully, keeping his eyes trained on the floor. His father had been waiting by the side entrance, correctly guessing that Eridan would enter by the side entrance rather than the pretentious front hall. 

He heard his father chuckle, and he could do nothing but flinch in anticipation as he was grabbed roughly by the forearm and dragged through the rooms to god knew where, probably to be interrogated and then beat. Just another wonderful day in the life of Eridan Ampora.

But when Eridan lay awake that night, everything aching, his face in more pain than it had been in a long time, it was the memory of dual-coloured eyes, wire mazes and the smell of honey that lulled him to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have like??? 0 practise writing Sollux at all  
> Mituna too for that matter
> 
> God I'm probably butchering this


	4. Wednesday Act One

When Eridan dumped his tray of rubber cafeteria food on the table the next day, he was greeted with disbelieving stares from Karkat and oh yeah, those others that Sollux had momentarily pushed out of his mind.

"Don't tell me you got mugged again," Rose said smoothly, holding a cup of what looked suspiciously like red wine, but Eridan doubted anyone except Feferi could risk bringing alcohol into school. 

Eridan touched his face and winced. It was a lot worse than it had been the day before - puffed up black eye, split lip, a cut above his eyebrow that had soaked his eyebrow in blood the night before (that was fun to clean) plus the bruise on his cheek significantly worsened. 

"No, I w-wasnt mugged again," he admitted, sitting down heavily. Karkat glared at him in clear anger, but if Eridan pretended, he could maybe see a hint of concern in his eyes. 

"So what happened?" John asked, reaching out to gently brush his fingers against the swollen flesh on Eridans face, causing him to flinch and recoil.

"Um..."

Eridan was saved from having to answer by footsteps approaching the table from behind, and he prepared to flinch, anticipating Feferi. Instead, the footsteps stopped and yes, slid in between him and Karkat, but when Eridan looked up he was met with a smirking toothy grin and differently-coloured eyes masked by 3D glasses.

"SO glad you've decided to grace us with your presence, Captor," Karkat said grumpily, but Eridan could definitely hear a pleased tone underneath his discontent. The others all murmured hellos, and Sollux raised a hand in greeting.

"Everyone, this is Captor. Sollux Captor. Hes the hermit that hangs out in the computer labs and never interacts with fucking anyone." the tiny ginger continued, turning to scowl at Sollux, but he was too busy frowning at the new bruises on Eridans face, who was trying to focus on poking around his lunch.

"What happened?" he muttered, in a tone so low it sent sparks along every one of Eridans nerves, and he shrugged awkwardly, deliberately not looking at Sollux and prodding at the miscellaneous mass on his tray with a fork.

"If youre not gonna eat that then I'll have it, Eridan!" Jade announced cheerfully from across the table, and Eridan shrugged again. 

"Yeah, I'm not hungry," he said, but his stomach chose that exact moment to betray him and let out a grumble that probably shook the floor. 

"Sounds like you fuckin are, dude," Dave commented, and they all nodded in agreement. Eridan bit his lip and shook his head, but in truth he couldn't remember the last time he had eaten. Monday morning maybe? That afternoon he had been swimming, no breakfast Tuesday, cafeteria food was gross, was at Sollux's all day and then got beat up... yeah, Monday morning was a pretty fair guess. Speaking of swimming, he really wanted to go back there soon. It had only been like a day, but he already missed it. 

"I'll eat w-when I get home today or somethin. Cafeteria food is gross anyw-way," he muttered noncommittally, but felt Sollux nudge his ribs - making him wince, those were pretty bruised as well - and looked to see him mouthing something, which just made Eridan pull his eyebrows together in confusion. 

Scowling, Sollux basically pressed his lips right up against Eridans ear, making the smaller teen freeze up and probably turn bright red, if the heat on his face had anything to say about it.

"I thought you were coming to mine today?" he hissed, 3D glasses clanking awkwardly against the side of Eridans head, and it took the latter a few moments to compose himself and stop stuttering to respond. 

"I'll hawe somethin after that," he hissed back, but Sollux just blinked at him, all wide-eyed and innocent, so he frowned and grabbed Sollux's ear to whisper in that as well. 

Yep, the teen definitely smelt like shitty cologne, doritos, energy drinks and honey. It was an odd combination but it worked, creating a distinctly Sollux scent that made Eridan almost melt as he quickly repeated his words and let go of Sollux's ear like it had burnt him.

Sollux just frowned and didnt reply to that, somewhat to Eridans disappointment. Instead he turned to join in the conversation that had been struck up while they were whispering, leaving Eridan slightly flustered and red in the face. He could see Rose regarding him with amusement out of the corner of his eye, and decided he didnt like how analysy she was. It made him antsy.

"So what do you like to do, Eridan?" Jade asked after a little while, and Eridan was forced to tune back in and took a second to respond.

"I like sw-wimmin, I guess readin w-wizard books, history...? I dont really do much."

Rose's smile grew. "You like wizards?"

"Yeah, I guess. Do you?"

"Do I ever!"

Dave took that moment to slap a hand over Rose's mouth. "And if she gets started on wizards, we'll never hear the end of it. Trust me, Eridan, you're better off never being at the receiving end of one of her wizard talks. Its like Karkats rants, but featuring far more sophisticated language. And they're ever so slightly less aggressive, but not by much."

Karkat scowled, Eridan shuddered, and Rose rolled her eyes and did something that no one could see but that made Dave squeal and pull his hand back like she had burnt it - but in all seriousness she had probably just licked it.

"That's disgusting, Lalonde!" he squealed, further confirming that she had licked his hand, while she simply smirked and took a sip of her drink, somehow miraculously not smudging her perfect black lipstick in the slightest. It seemed like witchcraft how perfect it was. Maybe it was.

But Eridan knew magic wasn't real and wizards were stupid. He didnt know why he had mentioned them in the first place, or why he agreed that he liked them. Magic didnt exist, he knew that, he should've just said it was a joke or whatever.

Eridans stomach let out another angry rumble, and he just frowned and pushed his tray towards Jade, who accepted it but not without a pointed look. He simply shook his head and pushed it again, insisting, and she didnt turn it down. Watching her in concealed disgust, Eridan wondered how she could so willingly snarf down cafeteria food of all things. The shit was disgusting. But she didnt complain, somehow carrying on a conversation at the same time.

"How's Jane, John?" she asked when there was a lull in the conversation, and Eridan felt horribly out of the loop. Who the hell was Jane? But at least Sollux looked just as confused as he did, and he was only half motivated to listen to the conversation, the other half telling him to just fantasise about Sollux, who was currently eating Doritos from a bag he had pulled from nowhere.

"Still in love with your cousin," John replied with a grimace, and Eridan wondered if Jane was his sister or something.

"Yo, same with my bro," Dave pitched in. "They've all got the hots for Mr English."

Eridan frowned. Just who the hell were all these people? He busied himself with watching Sollux out of the corner of his eye, who had finished his doritos and was now playing a 3ds under the table, looking decidedly uninterested with the conversation. Eridan found himself wondering why Sollux had even bothered to come if he seemed so bored.

"Roxy doesn't," Rose said, and Eridan was reminded that there actually was a conversation happening.

"Yeah, but she has the hots for my gay brother."

Eridan found himself smiling at that, before a horrible thought entered his head. What if Sollux was straight? Or worse, what if he was transphobic? What if he was gay but didnt date trans boys? Oh fuck. He should've seen this coming, he should've fuckin known, the people he got crushes on never seemed to be interested in the way he was. 

No, no, think about this rationally. Sollux had to have some sort of attraction to boys, or he wouldn't have agreed to act gay and all that, right? Maybe... Bisexual? Hah, that'd be ironic with how he seems so focused on bi-coloured things. Eridan sort of hoped he was. But what about the trans thing? Eridan had no evidence that he was okay with any of that. What if he wasn't? Eridan looked at him in concern, but Sollux didnt seem bothered with anything going on around him, absorbed in whatever game he was playing on his 3ds.

The bell rang harshly, forcing them all to get up and dispose of their trash, then heading their separate ways. Eridan was mildly disappointed when Sollux headed the opposite way from where he needed to go, but he supposed if they had any classes together he'd have noticed him before now.

Instead he moved to his own class and tried to focus on his work, instead of on his anxiety about whether or not Sollux would accept him.

* * *

By the time classes ended, Eridan had decided he would only tell Sollux he was trans if there appeared to be a chance of them getting into an actual romantic relationship - so, never.

He had expected to message Sollux when he got home and then drive to his house or something, but he hadn't been expecting to see Sollux leaning against his car, yet again on the 3ds, chewing something and lazily glancing up every minute or so to scan for someone, before returning to his game. When he noticed Eridan he grinned, his teeth obvious even from across the parking lot, and closed his DS, tucking it into the pocket of his jacket. His fashion sense had been marginally better today - jeans that actually covered his whole leg, a black jacket with yellow embellishments, and some sort of nerd T-shirt underneath. His hair still needed brushing, and he had mismatched sneakers, but it was an improvement in Eridans critical eye. Cod, he sounded like Kanaya.

"Your carriage awaitth," he lisped when Eridan approached, and the latter flipped him off and climbed into the drivers seat, allowing Sollux to move round into the passenger seat. 

"Dont you hawe your ow-wn car or somethin?" Eridan asked, adjusting his rear-view mirror and automatically pulling out of the parking lot. He had to remind himself to turn towards the route Sollux had pointed out to him on Tuesday.

Sollux shrugged. "Nah. Dad thayth I can probably get one thoon. He uthually dropth me off for thcool."

"W-what about your brother? Speakin of, is he older or younger?" Eridan made sure to ask this carefully, gauging Sollux's reaction, but the taller teen seemed pretty chilled with the question, to Eridans relief. 

"Tuna doethnt exactly go to thcool. He'th my older brother. By a few yearth. I know he'th tiny."

"Hes taller than me!"

Sollux smirked. "You're tiny too."

Lazily flipping off his passenger, Eridan tried to focus on recalling the route to Sollux's home, before a thought struck him. "You said your father drops you off for school, but not that he picks you up. W-was that omission, or?"

"Oh, right. I uthually jutht walk home." Sollux seemed unbothered by his own response, once again leaning back and placing his feet on Eridans dashboard, which made the brunet scowl. There were already scuff marks there from yesterday. 

"It's so far, though!"

Sollux shrugged, interlocking his fingers and placing them behind his head, yawning. "'Thnot that far. I only get dropped off becauthe it taketh forever and if I walked in the morning I'd be late."

Frowning, Eridan didnt chase the subject, although the further he drove the more he wondered how someone could stand to walk that far, every single day. It must get really fucking boring. He wondered if Sol listened to music or something, which led to curiosity about his music taste, which led to even more curiosity about the boy in general. There was still so much he didnt know.

"Tw-wenty questions again?" he asked tentatively, and Sollux chuckled.

"Alright."

They played twenty questions until they were yet again outside the house with the bee mailbox. Eridan learned that Sollux hacked into the school system to change his grades sometimes, he knew Karkat from preschool, he had developed his lisp when he first learnt to talk, he found out he was allergic to bees at 8 and ended up in hospital for it, and his favourite number was (unsurprisingly) two. In return, Sollux learned that Eridan liked science and loved swimming (and the water in general), had a brother who was "an absolute fuckin douche", his favourite colour was violet and his favourite number was 311. All in all, a fair trade of information, but Eridan felt a little cheated that Karkat hadn't bothered to mention Sollux to him even once. It was also quite impressive that Sollux had the skills to hack the schools well-guarded system, although he talked about his own accomplishments dismissively and self-deprecatingly, which made Eridan want to shake some sense into him.

"Tuna ith out with Latula, tho no oneth home today," Sollux said nonchalantly as they climbed out of the car, once again retrieving his bee keys, with Eridan close behind breathing a mental sigh of relief that he wouldn't be assaulted that day.

"W-wheres your father?" Eridan asked, still looking around in wonder at the house, while Sollux moved to the fridge and opened it, bending down to examine something in it.

"At work. He workth for FF'th mom. The'th a piece of thhit but he won't admit it," Sollux replied casually, and Eridan blinked. He knew Candace Peixes was a piece of shit, but it was unnerving to hear someone say so so directly. "You want thomething to drink?"

"I'm good."

"Thuit yourthelf." Sollux opened a cupboard and pulled out a pot of what looked suspiciously like honey, rummaging in a drawer with his other hand before triumphantly pulling out a spoon. Eridan dumped his school bag on the floor and took a seat at the kitchen table, twisting his rings nervously. "Thay, ED?"

"Hm?"

"Why do you alwayth thay father inthtead of dad?"

Eridan looked over to see Sollux dipping the spoon into what was indeed honey, before popping the spoon into his mouth and eating the honey off it. Licking his lips in what he hoped didnt look like a sexual way, Eridan tried not to focus on how Sollux's lips closed around the spoon, or how those lips might feel against his own. It wasn't helped by Sollux licking the remainder of the honey off it in a manner that should most definitely be counted as sinful, and if Eridan had anything to do with it would be illegal. It wasn't fair for someone to be so appealing when just eating honey. It made him desperately want to knot his fingers in Sollux's hair, pull him closer and taste that honey on his lips, kiss him until neither of them could breathe-

Sollux raised an eyebrow and jabbed the spoon in his direction pointedly, and he realised with a jolt that he had been flat out staring at Sollux's lips and fantasising about making out. The question came to mind and he didnt want to think about how hard he had to fight to stop himself from blurting something incredibly inappropriate, like  _w-well if thats w-what you're after, I could alw-ways call you daddy~_ No. Not going there. Stop it, Eridan.

"That's... My father alw-ways raised me to say father. So... I guess I just do it, now-w?" he managed, tearing his lips from that irresistible mouth. He managed not to make a daddy joke. Score. 

"I mean, you could alwayth jutht call me daddy." Sollux said calmly, dipping the spoon into the pot again, and seeming to find it funny when Eridan spluttered and turned red. That son of a fuckin bitch. The son of a fuckin bitch in question took another calm spoonful of honey before seemingly choking and pointing at Eridan threateningly with the spoon. "You need to eat, fucker!"

"W-what?"

"Thith ith really fucking hypocritical of me conthidering I live off junk food and thometimeth not even that, but when wath the latht time you ate?"

Sollux looked so serious that all thoughts of the daddy joke flew out of Eridans head. "Monday..?" He made a mental note to introduce Sollux to some healthier foods. 

The taller teen frowned and popped the spoon into his mouth in order to return the pot of honey to it's proper place, before taking the spoon out and dropping it in the sink. "You gotta eat thomething."

"You said yourself you do just as bad, if not w-worse!"

"I'm a hypocrite. You wanna go to McDonaldth?"

Eridan blinked. "I've newer been there."

"Blathphemy."

Unable to keep from giggling, Eridan watched as Sollux disappeared into his room for a second, returning as he tucked something into his pocket and shoved his 3d glasses higher on his nose. He smirked at Eridan, who blushed lightly and pushed himself onto his feet, following Sollux as they walked out of the house.

Sollux leaned over Eridans car and patted the roof. "Get in lother, we're going eating." he said with a smirk, and Eridan rolled his eyes, making his way to the drivers seat. 

"This is my car. You're the loser."

God, nope, he was. Get over yourself, Eridan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so annoyed I have to split this again @god why  
> The ending is kinda abrupt I apologise


	5. Wednesday Act Two

"I cant believe you've never had McDonaldth," Sollux commented as they climbed out of the car and walked toward the fabled fast food place. Eridan just sort of shrugged.

"My family think it's for peasants and those low-wer on the social hierarchy," he said casually, looking through the windows with a wrinkled nose. It seemed dirty and greasy, and he wasn't sure whether that seemed welcoming or just gross. 

"You're kidding."

Eridan turned to Sollux, who had a hand on the door and a frown on his face, and blinked. "No?"

"Oh my fucking  _god._ Come on, you need thome fucking junk food. Dont tell me you've never had any junk food."

The door was pushed open, and Eridan blinked at the wall of warmth and noise that washed over him, scuttling in behind Sollux. "Not really. Like I said, my family say it's for peasants. I don't eat junk."

"Well, you're with a Captor right now, and Captorth eat junk. What taketh your fancy?"

Eridan took a moment to blink at the bright screens displaying the menu, looking at everything around him as he did so. Man, regular people looked like they had fun. Why had Karkat never taken him to places like this? Oh, right, because he was a massive asshole who always refused plans.

He suddenly remembered Sollux was waiting for him to say something, watching him expectantly, and he panicked and picked the first thing with something he liked. "Filet-o-fish...?"

Sollux stared at him like he just grew a second head. "Fuck, no. I'm ordering you thomething actually good."

They crawled forwards in the queue, Eridan slowly getting anxious that somehow his parents would find out he was there and punish him for it. What if they banned him from talking to Sollux? Then not only would he not have a fake boyfriend, he'd lose the crush he was slowly making friends with. 

Eventually they reached the counter, and the person behind it was so short they appeared to be on tiptoes to look taller, which made Eridan smile. Karkat did that a lot.

"Two Big Mac mealth, two coketh, and I'll have the athhole cashier if he feelth like going out thometime," Sollux said, jokingly flirtatious, and Eridan felt a twinge of something that was possibly jealousy. He glanced at the cashier. 

"You're so full of shit, Captor." came the scratchy response, and Eridan almost choked on air. He  _knew_ he recognised that tiptoeing and the shock of ginger hair sticking in all directions from the cap.

"I didnt know-w you w-worked here, Kar!" Eridan said in genuine surprise, and Karkat turned to him in shock, as though he hadn't noticed him standing there.

"You brought fucking Ampora with you? Gee, and here I thought you couldn't drag any more of your fucking friends into unhealthy eating habits, you cocksucking piece of-" Karkat glanced behind him, and Eridan got the feeling he wasn't supposed to swear on the job. He could only imagine how well that went for Redhead McShouty. Turning back, visibly redder, Karkat returned to a sullen tone. "I mean, thats ten dollars and seventy-five cents."

Sollux smirked wide and tipped an imaginary hat, pulling out his wallet and going to pay, but before he could put his card in the machine, Eridan grabbed his wrist. 

"I'll pay!" he said with an awkward smile that he hoped didnt look condescending. "I mean, you show-wed me to this place, the least I can do is pay..." His voice trailed off as Sollux looked at him in amused disbelief.

"ED, it'th ten dollarth. I can manage." He shoved his card into the machine and punched in his pin, turning to Eridan again. "Bethideth, McDonaldth ithn't exactly the motht romantic firtht date, tho you can pay when we go on our proper firtht candlelit dinner, dumbath."

He turned back to Karkat, who thrust a receipt at him before stalking off, grumbling under his breath, but Eridan was too busy being shellshocked by what Sollux had said.  _Proper first candlelit dinner?_ It was hard to tell if he had been joking, referencing the fake relationship or... or actually serious. In which case, Eridan was ready to die right there. That couldn't be right. It was just Sollux being a joking asshole, as he was liable to do.

He felt someone nudge his arm, and looked up to see Sollux holding a tray and gesturing with it to a table in the corner. Eridan nodded in response and headed towards it, sitting down with his head spinning as the taller teen followed suit, distributing their meals and grinning as he sunk his jagged teeth into a handful of fries.

Eridans mind was yelling at him about calories and unhealthiness and trouble, but he pushed it away - along with thoughts of a romantic candlelit first date, because goddamn - as best he could and tried to focus on the fact that he had probably good food in front of him. If Sollux liked it, it had to be good.

"Cant believe you've never fucking had fatht food, ED," Sollux commented, chowing down on more fries as Eridan blinked down at his meal.

"Yeah, w-well, some of us hawe this thing called class, Sol." he snapped before he could help himself, and could have died at the shock on Sollux's face, before the shock melted into humour, and before long Sollux was laughing himself silly, earning a couple of stares.

Trying to ignore Sol laughing as much as he could - because it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard, even better knowing he had caused it - Eridan picked up his own burger and took a cautious bite. 

Holy fuck, this was a thousand times better than caviar. 

He tried to ignore Sollux watching him and basically inhaled the rest of the burger, only pausing to take a few sips of coke here and there, before doing the same with the fries, hardly stopping to breathe. It was probably a combination of hunger and trying a new thing he liked that made him eat so quickly, as in hindsight the food wasn't actually that good, kinda limp and greasy, but he ate it like it was the food of the gods at that moment.

Eventually he sat with only trash and a coke in front of him, stomach aching from eating so quickly, and Sollux was smirking opposite from him.

"I'll athume you liked it, then," he said teasingly, that douchebag. Eridan nodded and tried to sneak a few of Sollux's fries, only to be playfully smacked away.

"Literally a fuckin thousand times better than fancy filet mignon or w-whatewer," Eridan agreed, nodding enthusiastically. His brain chided him for being so uncaring of how bad it was for him, but he brushed away the thoughts and tried to focus on the slight smile on Sollux's face, and the way his glasses slipped just a little down his nose, and how his eyebrows furrowed just so when he was eating, like he was focusing super hard on it, and how his hair fell into his eyes and he brushed it away impatiently, and... and... 

And holy  _shit_ he's gay.

"I mean, I wouldn't mind trying filet whatever. Never really eat fancy," Sollux mentioned, and Eridan was horribly reminded that Karkat had mentioned money was tight for him and his family. He felt awful for not insisting he paid, despite how little the amount was.

"W-well, maybe I'll take you out to try some sometime..?" he asked experimentally, trying to gauge Sollux's reaction, but he seemed unbothered, taking a long drink from his coke. The only slight indication that he had even heard was a barely-there blush colouring his cheeks and the tops of his ears. "Or there might be some on Friday!" he added hastily, having suddenly panicked. 

"I have no doubtth that your houthe and life ith gonna be fancy ath all hell, ED," Sollux returned, going back to shoveling fries in his mouth. "You're probably thpoiled ath fuck, huh?"

Eridan pulled himself up so he appeared taller, and as Sollux slouched he finally did seem taller. "Excuse me, I am not spoiled!" he said, as haughtily as he could (which to be honest just made him sound even more spoiled).

"You're willing to pay thomeone up to a thouthand fucking poundth and you don't even break a thweat. That'th pretty thpoiled."

"Is not!"

"Ith too."

Eridan scowled, wrinkling his nose and allowing himself to slump again, just a little. "You hawen't met my parents yet. Trust me, you'd be w-willin to pay as much as it took to get them off a your back too."

"ED?"

"W-what."

"It'th not your parentth who gave you all thothe bruitheth and thhit, right?"

Sollux was pointing at the swollen purple across his face, and Eridan was suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. No one was supposed to know about that. Not even Kar or Fef knew. No one was supposed to know, and if they knew, Eridan knew his parents would have a  _lot_ to say about it.

"W-what? No. I... got in a fight?" he fibbed quickly, trying not to make it sound too much like a question and failing. Sollux didnt seem convinced.

"With who?"

"... Wriska?" Yeah, everyone knew he and Vriska were enemies. They had dated for a while, but the pressure of it and how much of an asshole Vriska was meant they broke up - but it was common knowledge that they despised each other. Everyone would believe that he and Vriska had fought (except Vriska, of course, but with a bit of luck she would never find out he said it at all), and sure enough Sol seemed to buy it. 

"Man, the really did a number on you." he said, taking a sip of his coke, and Eridan nodded numbly.

"Do you hawe any more peasa-normal things you could show-w me?" he asked in an attempt to move the subject away from his injuries, and Sollux perked up.

"Of fucking courthe I do! But..." he pulled his phone out and checked it, and Eridan hoped it wasn't getting late. "Tuna ith probably going to get home thoon, and I'm meant to be home when he getth back."

"Oh," Eridan whispered. Of course Sollux wouldn't want to spend time with him. Why would he?

 _Shut up,_ he told his brain.  _He has to be there for his brother. Dont make everything about you._

"I can thhow you another time?" Sollux offered, and Eridan gave his brain a triumphant nod.

"W-we should also get the cower story ready," Eridan replied as he stepped out from the table. Sollux nodded in agreement and took a moment to sweep their trash onto the tray before standing up and moving to the trash can, dumping the rubbish and returning the tray to the stack.

They left, Sollux waving a snarky goodbye to Karkat (who flipped him off in return), and Eridan shivered at the cold in comparison to what it had been like inside. He half wished Sollux would offer him a jacket, or put his arm around him or something, but he had to remind himself that they weren't actually dating, they were just basically strangers pretending they were dating. Don't get ahead of yourself, Eridan.

It was welcome warmth to climb back into Eridans car, and he took a second to relax in the heat before starting it up. Sollux was leaning back in his seat contentedly, and Eridan could almost pretend that they really were dating, having just gone on some date together, now driving home to cuddle on a couch and watch movies until they fell asleep on top of one another. His hand itched with the urge to reach out and take Sollux's, and when he glanced over Sollux had his hand resting on the seat, right there for Eridan to hold. 

It was almost a relief when they reached Sollux's house, but the feeling was bittersweet. He didnt have to worry about stopping himself from holding Sollux's hand, but on the other hand his time with the guy was over.

Sol climbed out of the car and moved round to Eridans side, who wound down his window in order to allow Sollux to rest on the top of the car and lean down to talk to him.

"Thee you tomorrow?" Sol asked, almost hopefully, and Eridan laughed.

"Of course. And then on Friday, you get to see my house." He gave an exaggerated grimace, and Sol chuckled, 3d glasses slipping a little way down his nose. Eridan was struck with an almost overwhelming urge to lean in and connect their lips, a goodbye kiss for the day. The moment seemed too perfect not to, but before he could wrestle with the feeling any more, Sollux stood up and the moment was gone.

"Thee you around, ED." he said with a farewell wiggle of his fingers, and Eridan silently waved back, not trusting his voice to speak just then. Sol began to walk back to his house, digging in his pockets for his key. Despite feeling like a creep, Eridan sat there and watched him for a second, wondering just how he was so perfect. Once Sollux was safely inside, though, he drove away, humming softly to himself as he thought.

Maybe, just maybe, he might have a chance with this lispy hacker he had fallen for so hard and so fast. 


	6. Thursday

Eridans brain appeared to have set itself a task of making Eridan as miserable as humanly possible. Which was fun, especially as it also seemed to have set itself the task of making him think about Sollux far more than anyone should think about anyone, which only served to make him more miserable.

Life really sucked sometimes.

He was genuinely surprised he had managed to avoid his family after his First Time™ (eating junk food, that is), but grateful about their absence. It was always a great day when he wasn't forced to see his family's faces. On the other hand, his brain was punishing him for said First Time™, meaning he was back to avoiding meals as much as he could.

Thursday morning had brought a spark of panic after a nightmare that had left him sweating and hot. He couldn't quite remember what it was, but it left a deep, cold sense of dread in the pit of his stomach, which had lingered through the whole day, making him feel heavier than usual and leaving him with a clinging sensation of fear wrapping around his throat and most definitely feeling constricting. He was even more paranoid than normal of the legs stuck out to trip him in the halls, even jumpier when Fef poked him and squealed unexpectedly.

All that had built up until he had freaked out in the middle of history class, shoving his chair back suddenly and interrupting the teacher mid-lecture. Before he could get in trouble or get uncomfortable by the blatant staring, he had swept his things in his bag, swung it on his shoulder and sprinted out of the class as soon as possible, which led to stares from the students in the halls.

Eridan had zero clue where or why he was running, but he knew he just didnt want to be anywhere with the judgemental members of the student body - so, somehow, he ended up curled in a tiny corner outside the school, desperately trying not to cry for fear of lingering asshats just waiting for an opportunity to make fun of him.

All in all, it wasn't an ideal way to spend the start of his Thursday. It wouldn't be an ideal way to start any day, truth be told, and he could definitely think of better ways to spend his time.

But here he was, alone and unreasonably scared behind a high school gym. Nothing to be done now.

He had no idea how long he sat there, leant against a cold wall, trying to compose himself and not think about the punishment he would get for running out of the class. He had probably looked fucking insane, jumping up without a hint of warning and booking it out of there like he was being chased by someone with a chainsaw come to cut him in half.

Groaning, Eridan rubbed his eyes with his fists, figuring he should either make his way back to class or skip out on school entirely, and the latter was far too tempting of an offer for his liking. If it wasn't for fear of his father, he likely would take his brain up on the suggestion. 

Instead, he shifted slightly and figured he should move, but before he could, he felt a soft hand come down on his shoulder, making him freeze and automatically tense up. The owner of the hand retracted it immediately, and Eridan realised it had made him start shaking involuntarily, so naturally he looked up to see who it was that had discovered his hiding spot. 

And of course, of fucking course, he was greeted with a lopsided toothy smile and 3D glasses slipping enticingly down a nose he had studied far too closely over the past two days. 

"Thaw you thprinting down the hall a little while ago," Sollux offered by way of lisping explanation. "Took me a while to find you. You alright?" He took a seat at Eridans side, and the smaller teen was having too much difficulty with not dying or hyperventilating to do much but stare.

"Mm, informative," Sol added dryly when Eridan didn't reply, but his expression quickly shifted back from sarcastic to quietly caring. "Theriouthly though, what'th up? Dont normally thee cutieth thprinting down thcool hallth, ethpecially not in the middle of clath. Wait. Fuck, I... You didn't hear that, right?"

Did...

Did Sollux just say cuties?

In reference to Eridan.

Eridan was too busy digesting this information to answer, simply blinking as Sollux cursed and glared at his feet, kicking at the dirt and grass underneath them. There was awkward tension for a moment after Sollux quieted, presumably waiting for Eridan to say something, unasked questions hanging in the air between them. The dread still hadn't cleared from Eridans stomach, anf he was spending half his energy preventing himself from bolting again, and the other half trying to process everything.

"Sol, I... I dont think w-we should hang out today. I... Can I do somethin?"

Sollux looked concerned, the furrowing of his brows disrupting his glasses and yet again sending them slipping down his nose enticingly, like they did so often. "Thure..?"

Eridan took a deep breath. It was now or never.

With steeled nerves, he leaned forward, fluttering his eyes shut, and tried not to freak out as he pressed their lips together in what was definitely a kiss.

 _Sollux has nice lips,_ was his first thought, quickly followed up by  _man, he really smells like honey up close._ Their lips remained connected in a soft kiss that Eridan would very much have liked to continue, if it wasn't for Sollux breaking it off earlier than he'd liked, staring deep into Eridans eyes in a way that felt far too analytical. The latter squeaked, frightened, and wrapped his hands around the strap of his bag, tightening his grip until his knuckles were white.

"Practice! F... For tomorrow-w!" he squeaked out, unable to read the expression on Sollux's face, and immediately scrambling to his feet. "I hawe to go now-w! I'll see you tomorrow-w!"

And with that, Eridan turned and fled, the taste of honey still on his lips and his heart still hammering at a speed far too fast to be safe. He didn't look behind him, sprinting his way to the parking lot until he was safely at his car, and only then did he relax and allow himself to think about what had just happened.

God, he was such an idiot. He was so fucking stupid. He should have waited for Sollux to make the first move, he shouldn't have just gone for it like that, Sol would probably call the whole thing off now. And he had been so close, too, all he had to do was survive until Friday and then Sol could go do his own thing and forget Eridan. 

Scowling and cursing, Eridan climbed into the driver's seat of his car and revved it up, pulling out of the parking lot with hardly a second thought. It was only after at least three turns that he realised with a groan - he was automatically heading to Sollux's house rather than his own. 

Groaning, Eridan veered back around and changed his course, not entirely sure where he was supposed to go. He couldn't exactly crash at Sollux's place, and going home was a death wish. All his other friends were at school, and after his dramatic exit there was no way in hell he was going back there.

Without realising it, even as he wondered where he was gonna go, he found himself pulling up at the parking lot closest to the beach, even as he knew there'd likely be people commandeering his safe space at this time of day. Parking and hopping out of the car, Eridan began the short walk to the beach, emerging on the sand before long. He was greeted with a much-welcome sight of an empty beach, which immediately lifted his spirits. No trespassers on his safe space today.

He cursed not having his swim stuff and found a spot near the water where it washed up against his feet and dampened his cape, sitting down with zero regard for his trademark outfit. His lips still tasted like honey and mountain dew. 

 _What the fuck have I gotten myself into?_ he wondered to himself as he let salt spray his clothes and make his socks soggy. The sun beat down on him, heating the sand almost painfully hot against his palms and fingers, but he ignored the sensation in favour of tracing light shapes in the tiny grains.

Without thinking, he ended up sketching out the cliché. SC heart EA. Sollux Captor heart Eridan Ampora. 

He reminded himself how stupid that was and brushed over the childish message quickly, flushing. He just needed to remember that all he had to do was survive Friday, get Sollux however much money he wanted - he'd probably add more, now, considering the kiss when it wasn't even acting - and he'd never have to speak to him again, because SC did not heart EA, and it was fuckin stupid to wish that he did.

His shoulders slumped, and his head fell into his sandy hands, and he tried desperately not to cry. This was useless. Everything hurt, his heart most of all, and his mouth tasted like honey and soda, and his head felt like there was a swarm of bees chasing him, and he had never felt like this with Fef. He had never had someone root themselves so deeply in his thoughts and heart so soon and so much. He didnt think he had ever let anyone get this close to him so suddenly, and it hurt. Fef had never absorbed his thoughts so fully, never influenced his choice of metaphors so highly (see: swarm of bees. it had never been a swarm of eels, now had it?), never made him feel so useless and like the only boy in the world all at the same time, never made him feel so in love.

In love. There were the words he was looking for. But this was so! Fucking! Hasty! He was just rushing into it, having known Sol for all of three days! 

Eridan let out a pained groan and allowed tears to form in his eyes and slip out between his fingers. Why was he so goddamned hasty and awkward?

His phone buzzed with a message, and he dreaded checking it, no matter who it was from.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

Oh, great. Just his luck.

TA: hey.   
TA: 2o.   
TA: ii get iif you wanna be alone riight now.   
TA: but liike,   
TA: iif you wanna talk.   
TA: yeah.   
TA: your an a22hole but ii liike to thiink weve gotten kiinda clo2e over the pa2t few day2?   
TA:   
TA: wow oh man nothiing about the your?   
TA: you really know how two giive 2omeone the cold 2houlder.   
TA: thii2 ii2 a really unfulfiilliing conver2atiion, ED.   
TA: ii can only 2tand the 2ound of my own voiice for 2o long.   
TA: or the 2iight of my own text iin thii2 ca2e ii gue22.   
TA: your a real diick you know that riight?  
TA:   
TA: 2tiill nothiing about the your, ii 2ee how iit ii2.   
TA: ii know when iim not wanted.   
TA: 2ee you at 2chool tomorrow ii thiink.   
TA: 2tiill gotta 2ee your 2poiiled a22e2 2wanky hou2e.   
TA: and ii 2tiill expect 2ome of that fiilay miiniion 2hit or however iit2 2pelt.   
CA: its filet mignon   
TA: 2o the ba2tardii2atiion of the 2pelliing of one of your fancy meal2 get2 you two come runniing.  
TA: iill fiile that away for future reference.   
TA: what2 next?   
TA: kaveear?   
CA: offensive   
CA: so   
CA: you dont   
CA: hate me?   
TA: why would ii hate you? you haven't butchered the 2pelling of mcdonald2 or anythiing.   
TA: yet.   
CA: no i mean   
CA: for wwhat happened   
TA: oh, riight.   
TA: no iit2 chiill.   
CA: it is?   
TA: 2ure.   
TA: kk 2aiid you get caught up iin emotiion2 2ometiime2.   
TA: ii get iif you were ju2t overwhelmed by how attractiive ii am.   
TA: ii mean ii am iirre2ii2tiible.   
TA: man that wa2 the niice2t thiing iive 2aiid about my2elf iin a whiile.   
TA: you diidnt need to know that.   
CA: oh   
CA: wwell i do think youre great   
CA: and im glad its all okay   
CA: evven if you dont sound vvery sure   
CA: and i guess ill see you tomorroww   
CA: for *filet mignon*  
TA: iill be there.  
TA: maiinly becau2e there2 fiilay miiniion on offer.   
TA: 2ee you tomorrow hiip2ter douchelord.   
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]

Eridan groaned again and flopped back, shuffling away from the waves and lying on the hot sand, allowing the warmth of the sun to lull him into an anxious, crush-filled, damp sleep that heightened the dread in his stomach but somewhat alleviated the exhaustion that constantly hung over him like a malevolent black cloud.

When he awoke, it was with a squeak and a scurry to his car, as the sun was setting on him and the sand had cooled. He didnt even have time to think about his lovey-dovey teenage angst before he was driving home in the desperate hope that the bruises still on his face wouldn't be added to yet again.


	7. Friday Act One

The day was finally upon them.

Eridan didnt realise it when he first rolled sleepily out of bed in the morning, and it wasn't until he was staring blearily into the mirror that he remembered what day it was. The day he'd have to show his parents he could indeed be a functioning, gay (bisexual, but honestly with Sollux around he was doubting everything), male member of society. Not to mention the day he could kiss Sollux all he liked and maybe try to forget it was all for show. 

Or would that be too forward? He wanted to keep Sollux's friendship, at the very least. Kissing him relentlessly probably isn't the best way to keep Eridan in his good books.

Splashing water on his face, Eridan noted with a smile that the puffiness had all but disappeared from his face, leaving only angry purple marks that were fading into yellowish green around the edges. Gel was applied to his hair and slicked back, and he tried not to throw up as he stared at his reflection and felt nausea rising as he thought of what would happen after school. 

Nevertheless, he tried to brush it off and changed quickly into his clothes, finishing his preparations for school and leaving as soon as he could. He'd honestly rather get the whole day out of the way as soon as he possibly could. 

As such, he tried to be as inconspicuous as he could in classes, especially history class. His teacher kept shooting him glances, as though she thought he would try to escape her class again. Like he would dare. He loved history. It just happened that he hadn't been having the greatest day on Thursday, is all.

Lunch passed uneventfully, but Eridan felt awful when Sollux didnt show up like he had before. No one else seemed bothered by it, continuing with their conversations like nothing was wrong, and he supposed to them nothing was. Fef was with them that day, giggling and telling silly jokes and fish puns, but her presence just made him feel empty inside. He wondered idly just what was wrong with him, even as everyone laughed and joked around him. And no, he didnt eat the cafeteria garbage.

The rest of lessons passed slowly and boringly, painting Eridan the picture of dejection as he trudged to his car at the end of the day, only to be met with no lanky hacker waiting for him.

No lanky hacker waiting for him. 

Eridan smacked himself in the face and cursed his belief that Sollux would even show up, immediately dreading going home and facing his parents and being like  _whoops, sorry, turns out I dont actually have a boyfriend after all._ They'd be so fucking pissed. Trying to resign himself to that fact, Eridan dug for his keys and unlocked his car, wondering just where Sol was.

"ED!!"

Oh. There. Running across the parking lot. Why did he always assume the worst? Sol probably just got out late or some shit. Eridan smacked himself in the face again, and before he knew it the lanky hacker was before him... handing him something?

"Flowers?" Eridan asked, heart swelling as he accepted the proffered bouquet of violets. Sollux grinned at him, a smile that made Eri melt and die inside. 

"Might ath well make it look extra real, right? Were you about to leave without me?" Sol asked, climbing into the passenger seat as Eridan inhaled a deep breath of the sweet violet scent.

"Of course not!" he squeaked, climbing into the drivers seat and taking a moment to look Sol over. He looked cuter than ever, and Eridans heart skipped several beats as he gently placed his bouquet in the backseat. What a romantic fucker. Even if it was all for show. He had actually fucking bought Eridan flowers.

"Thure theemed like you were," the passenger taunted as the car started up and they pulled out of the parking lot. Eridan tried not to let anxiety overwhelm him as he turned toward the familiar path home.

"You hawe such little faith in me, Sol."

"What, did you think I bailed on you or thomething?"

"No." Yes.

"I'd never do that, ED. You thtill owe me filet mignon."

"God, w-why are you so hung up on that goddamn filet mignon? It isn't ewen that good!"

"I don't knock thingth until I try them."

They fell into silence, Eridans anxiety mounting as they grew closer to his despised house. So many possible scenarios were running through his head, and not one of them was favourable. Before long, they were pulling up to the gates, the technology automatically scanning Eridans number plate and opening. Money had its benefits. Sol was staring open-mouthed from his window, scanning every square inch of perfectly-kept lawn and white marble.

"What the fuck, ED?" he said softly, and Eridan cringed in anticipation of his review. "Why have we been hanging out in my thhithole of a houthe all thith time? You didnt tell me you lived in a goddamn manthion!"

Keeping his eyes firmly fixed on parking, Eridan laughed nervously. "I, w-well, I much prefer your home. Mine is much too... impersonal."

They climbed out of the car after Eridan grabbed his bouquet and held it close, Sollux still staring at everything around him, and despite everything Eridan felt a spark of pride at rendering him speechless at the grandeur. From a... delightful conversation he had shared with his brother Thursday night, he knew he had to bring Sol in through the front door rather than his usual side entrance, as Cro would be standing there, probably ready to embarrass Eridan at the first opportunity.

"W-we hawe to go in the front entrance," Eridan said quietly, kicking at a bit of gravel and leading to the giant front doors, as Sol frowned in confusion. 

"What other way would you get in?"

"I normally go in and out a the side entrance. Less embarrassin that w-way."

"Man, if I lived here I would never be embarrathed to come in through thethe huge-ath motherfuckerth."

The door swung open as they approached, and sure enough, there stood Eridans shitstain of a brother, unlit cigarette between his lips as usual, black hair slicked back much like Eridans was, and white t-shirt currently sporting a large motif of the face of Danny from Grease. He leered at Sollux almost immediately, and Eridan caught how the guy recoiled.

"So, this is ya lil boyfriend, Eri?" Cronus said, in that disgusting, fake-ass John Travolta accent of his. Eridan sighed and nodded. "Looks a lot like that lil retard Mituna."

Sollux stiffened visibly at that, his face turning red, and Eridan feared he would punch Cronus in the face. It would serve the fucker right, but it probably wouldn't look too good to his parents. "Charmed," Sollux said thickly, fists clenched so tight his knuckles were white. "Mituna ith my brother, actually." he spat with contempt, dual-coloured eyes narrowed with anger.

"Mom had to go out of town for somethin suddenly, Eri," Cronus continued, blatantly ignoring the pissed-off Sollux right beside him. "So its just gonna be us and Dad at dinner. I'm sure Mom would  _love_ to meet your retard boyfriend another time, though. Cmon. We can show him around. Ooh, those flowers for me?"

Cronus stuck his hand out and nabbed the violets Eridan had in his hand, taking a deep sniff and flashing the two a smug grin, before turning on his heel and moving into the house, leaving two teens behind him, seething with barely-restrained anger.

Eridan calmed first, and took a risk by grabbing for Sollux's hand and attempting to uncurl his fist. Sol grudgingly allowed Eridan to uncurl his clenched fist and interlock their fingers, the smaller of the two giving the taller a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm really sorry about my brother, Sol," Eridan whispered, heart pounding at the action of holding Sol's hand. The latter sighed, all the fight escaping from his body, and turned to Eridan with a pained expression.

"He called Mituna a retard, ED, and I think he called me one too," he said, and the misery in his voice made Eridan feel awful. "And he took your flowerth."

"They're just flow-wers, Sol, I dont mind too much. It w-was super sw-weet of you, though."

They gave each other small smiles and stepped over the threshold of the house, Eridan dying on the inside at multiple things. One, that he was holding Sollux's hand. Two, one of his family members had already managed to steal his stuff and offend Sol. Three, oh god how the fuck was he expected to keep this up for god knew how much longer.

Nevertheless, he led Sollux into the hall, hoping that there was some way he could salvage his crushes respect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate cronus and love him at the same time hes such an asshole
> 
> this is a short chapter but there'll be more coming just y'all wait


	8. Friday Act Two

"And this is my room. It's.. not as nice as yours."

Eridan pushed open the door to his room, ready for the goddamn tour to be over already. Luckily, Cronus hadn't cared enough to accompany them on their tour, so it had just been Eridan and Sollux, looking around the house in which there were rooms not even Eridan himself really knew. And now Sol was stepping into the only place Eridan actually spent any time, looking around him with the same air of wonder and slight anger that he had carried since he started looking around the house.

Eridans room was certainly much bigger than Sollux's, but in Eridans eyes it was nowhere near as nice. Everything was white or violet, kept perfectly in order, books alphabetised and desk kept in a perfect state. Not a single thing was out of place, and Eridan looked at it probably even more critically than Sollux was.

"Are thethe bookth alphabetithed?" Sollux asked, walking to the bookshelf and running his fingers over the spines, scanning the titles and authors. Eridan flushed and twisted a ring around his finger.

"W-what can I say, I get bored," he answered awkwardly, eyes scanning for anything that Sollux could use to make fun of him. Luckily, the taller teen didnt really look at anything else, just turned around to see Eridan standing in the door twisting his rings and looking back nervously.

"You know, ED, your life theemth pretty great from what I've theen," Sol said with a toothy smile, pushing his glasses higher up his nose. "Your brother ith a piece of thhit, but you have all thith cool thtuff, and a huge houthe, and probably enough money to buy my houthe ten timeth over. Unleth thereth thomething I'm mithing?"

Eridan squeaked and turned redder. "No! No, hah, I guess I complain too much about somethin thats pretty great!"

He stared at the floor, and Sollux made an unidentifiable noise and walked toward him. Eridan resolutely didnt look up, even when he could see Sollux's mismatched shoes in front of him. 

Before either of them could speak, a bell went off somewhere in the distance, and Eridan turned around half-gratefully, half-reluctantly. "Time for dinner," he supplied when he looked behind him and saw Sollux's confused expression. The taller nodded and began to follow Eridan back to the dining room, still looking around him like he was in the middle of a goddamn palace.

When they entered the dining room, Eridan felt his anxiety surface from where it had been slowly bubbling and stewing, sending a wave of nausea through him. His father sat at the end of the table, hands neatly folded and chin resting on them, cold eyes regarding Eridan and Sollux emotionlessly. Cronus sat beside him, wearing a smirk that spelled trouble. Their combined gazes served to turn Eridans legs to jelly, but he forced himself to remain strong and took Sollux's hand in his, leading him to the table and sitting down in the places that had been set.

"Good ewening, father." Eridan said stiffly, and his father inclined his head in response. From the corner of his eye, Eridan could see Sollux shifting uncomfortably and poking at the multiple forks laid out beside his plate. He swallowed thickly and prepared himself to say the words he wished were true. "This is my... boyfriend. Sollux Captor."

"Pleathure to make your acquaintance, Mr Ampora!" Sollux said, too cheerily, sticking out a hand in Dualscar's direction, who made an indistinct noise and reluctantly shook Sollux's hand. 

"Hello there, Sollux. I trust you've met my son, Cronus." Dualscar said in response, gesturing at Cro, who grinned lazily and stopped spinning his cigarette in his fingers for long enough to hold his hand up in a silent greeting. Sols toothy grin turned to a scowl.

"I have," he growled, glaring in Cronus's direction, who only grinned wider and pushed his chair back on two legs. Eridan was just about ready to die. They hadn't even started eating. But at least Sollux was sort-of doing his job - both Dualscar and Cronus were having some sort of negative reaction to his presence, which is exactly what Eridan was after. 

"So, when did you first meet Veronica - ah, my apologies.  _Eridan._ " Dualscar played it off as a mistake, but when Eridan met his unfeeling eyes, he saw a glimmer of cruelty that told him he was doing it on purpose, a glimmer of cruelty that turned Eridans blood cold and froze his heart. Sollux was clearly confused, eyebrows drawing together over his 3d glasses.

"Veronica..?" he questioned, glancing at Eridan, who stared firmly down at his plate and begged for the food to come soon. What was taking the chef so long?

"Oh, Eri didnt tell you?" Cronus spoke up from across the table, and Eridan felt himself sink deeper into the pit of nausea and shame he was falling into. "Hes actually a girl. Crazy, right? But hey, at least hes not a faggot!"

 _Cronus, aren't you gay for Kar's big brother?_ Eridan wondered in his head.

"ED, ith thith true?" Sollux asked Eridan, but he couldn't bring himself to answer. He was too busy wishing the ground would swallow him up and let him escape this hell. God, this was an awful idea. He just wanted to show his parents he could find someone.

"Veronica's mother and I indulge her ridiculous, childish whims and beliefs that she's a boy, but its taking a lot of convincing to remind her how ridiculous it is. She's quite stubborn! But we're forgiving parents, and we're willing to look past our child's faults in order to love them. It's quite hard with our little  _Eridan,_ though."

 _No you fucking dont,_ Eridan thought bitterly, closing his eyes and wishing he was dead.  _You wish I'd never been born. **I** wish I'd never been born. _

Sollux laughed nervously and bit his lip, clearly uncertain on what to say. There was a few moments of silence before Cronus decided to, mercifully, change the subject.

"So, what ya wanna do with ya life, Sollux?" he asked, the cigarette between his teeth muffling his speech a little, and Eridan allowed himself to sit up a little and steal a glance at Sollux, who seemed highly uncomfortable. 

"Um. Computer thtuff." 

"Wooow," Cro drawled. "Maybe you aren't as retarded as your brother is."

"Cronus." Dualscar said sharply, which shut Cronus up quick. 

Just then, things were somewhat saved by servants emerging from the kitchen, bearing plates of soup, which were quickly placed in front of the waiting men, all four of which quickly began eating. Well. Three out of four did. The fourth was trying to figure out which spoon he was supposed to use. And he didnt figure it out until Eridan pointed it out to him with an awkward smile. There was silence save for the slurping of soup and the clinking of spoons against bowls for a minute, before Dualscar cleared his throat.

"So, Sollux. What do your parents do?" he asked, dabbing at his lips with a napkin, like the prissy fucker he was. But Eridan supposed he couldn't talk - he often did the exact same thing.

"Well, my momth dead, and my dad workth for Connie Peixeth. He'th the head flight engineer." Sollux said proudly, and Eridans heart swelled with pride for just how happy Sollux sounded. Dualscar harrumphed dismissively, and it broke Eridans heart to see how Sollux deflated. It also sort of broke his heart to hear that Sollux's mother was dead. His mother may be a bitch, but at least she was alive. 

The meal continued slowly, too slowly, with Dualscar asking questions that most would find far too personal and invasive, and Sollux just managing to fend them off with as much finesse as he could muster. And no, there wasn't any filet mignon. 

By the end of it, Dualscar's eye was twitching slightly and there was a growling undertone to his words, a sure sign that he was getting seriously angry - at what, Eridan didnt know. Sollux had been answering all his questions perfectly and honestly, and he hadn't even done anything to really incur the wrath of the merciless businessman. 

"If you dont mind, I'd like to talk to my  _son_ for a moment," Dualscar eventually said after desserts had been served and subsequently consumed. Eridan sighed and stood, knowing that it was applied to him, and shot Sollux an apologetic look just before Dualscar grabbed his arm hard enough to bruise. Sollux narrowed his eyes but didnt say anything as Eridan was dragged out of the room and forced to stand before his fuming father.

"I dont approve of this boy." Dualscar said, getting straight to the point. Eridan sighed and kept his eyes trained on the floor like he had been taught.

"I don't care, father," he mumbled, not intending Dualscar to hear, but of course with his luck he did and instantly flared up, shoving Eridan back so he stumbled.

"Don't you  _dare_ talk so insolently to the man kind enough to even keep your worthless ass around," Dualscar hissed through his teeth, landing a sharp slap on Eridans face, who flinched but didnt do anything to stop the hit, or even put a hand up afterwards. He knew if he showed weakness that the punishments would only get worse.

"I'm sorry, father," he mumbled, even quieter than his comment beforehand, and Dualscar rocked back on his heels, anger calmed a little for now.

"Babe?"

Glancing up in shock, Eridan almost cried out when he saw Sollux standing there, forehead creased in confusion and worry. He wondered just how much Sol had seen, as his heart fluttered from the pet name. Dualscar grumbled and stepped back, moving to leave. He shoved past Sollux slightly as he left, and then the two teens were alone. Sol instantly rushed to Eridans side, putting a hand up on his cheek, which was still stinging.

"Hey Sol," Eridan mumbled, pushing away the other's hand. Sol's expression morphed into one of anger, and Eridan automatically flinched backwards. 

"How  _dare_ he?" Sollux muttered, casting a glare over his shoulder at the adult who was no longer there. A feeling of warmth gathered in Eridans heart at Sollux's protective and angry tone, even as it scared him at the same time.

"I'm used to it," he weakly shot back, shoulders slumping at just how pathetic he must appear. Sol flared up with anger in his expression.

"Thatth it, we have thhit we really need to talk about. You wanna get out of here?"

Eridan nodded in response, and they made their way to the nearest exit as fast as they could, slipping out and rushing to Eridans car, where they assumed their usual positions as driver and passenger. Eridan didnt allow himself to look at Sollux's face, keeping his eyes trained directly in front of him the whole time, even as he started up the car and started driving to god knew where. Sol stayed suspiciously quiet by his side, but Eridan could sense that the other male was quietly seething. About what, he didnt know. It wasn't like Eridan meant anything to him.

It took all Eridans concentration to not break down crying, and it was only thanks to the promise of talking more to Sol did he manage to get them far from his hated house and to a place where they would inevitably have to talk about all the shit that went down at the utterly failed family dinner.

But for now, his knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel, and Sollux was silently fuming in the passenger seat. Not an ideal end to what was not an ideal day.

And it was barely even 9pm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friday aint over yet lads


	9. Friday Act Three

They ended up at a convenience store on the edge of town, buying sodas and junk food as Eridan wrinkled his nose. Both were carefully avoiding the subject of the failed family dinner, focusing instead on getting comfy on the bonnet of Eridans car and, in Sollux's case, playing a trick on Eridan.

"Tho you've theriouthly never had thoda bethideth when we went to Mcdonaldth?" Sol asked incredulously, passing Eridan a can of coke and taking one for himself. Eridan looked down at the can and scrunched up his face.

"Not that I know-w of. I've definitely newer had it in a can like this.."

"Well, alright, hereth a trick. When you drink it in a can, you wanna thhake it ath much ath you can before you open it."

Eridan looked over to Sollux grinning lopsidedly, and raised an eyebrow. "Shake it."

"Thhake it like itth what your mama gave ya."

"I dont think I should really trust you on that."

"Jutht do it! It maketh it tathte way better."

Frowning sceptically, Eridan followed the instructions anyway and shook the soda can vigorously, Sollux's mischievous grin widening as he did so. "I still dont trust this, So- JESUS FUCK!"

Obviously, when Eridan cracked open the soda can, the pressurised contents exploded everywhere, sending carbonated drink all over the smaller teen, soaking his clothes and face, not to mention making his hair sticky. Sollux burst out in a fit of laughter, evil giggles taking him over at the sight of Eridan dripping with cola, staring at the can with a look of blatant betrayal. The brunet began to shake, and Sollux thought nothing of it, assuming Eridan was laughing along with the joke, because that was a prank on Egbert levels.

When he stopped laughing, though, he could hear quiet sobs coming from Eridans trembling frame, and it wasn't long before the smaller teen dropped the half-empty can and put his head in his hands, breaking out into broken sobs that immediately made Sol panic. 

"Thhit, jethuth, ED I'm thorry, I didnt... fuck!" Sol placed a hand on Eridans back, attempting to comfort him, even as Eridan curled into himself. He didnt know exactly why he was crying, he just knew that something had triggered inside of him, something had snapped, and now he was breaking, like he had been shaken up all night and now he was exploding like the can, sending emotions and familial issues everywhere. 

Instinctively, automatically, Eridan turned towards Sol and buried his head into Sollux's side, wrapping soda-soaked arms around Sollux's thin frame and crying into his side, ignoring the thinner males small protests against the sticky cola-flavoured hug. Before long, Sol was wrapping his arms around Eridan in response, rubbing soothing circles into his back as he allowed Eridan to cry himself into hiccups and, eventually, calm down.

"You want to talk about it?" Sol asked once Eridan was quiet, and the latter nodded, head still buried in Sollux's chest, before extracting himself from the sticky embrace and rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. Eridan took a deep breath, shuddered, and decided - yes. After over a decade of relentless torture and hiding his feelings, he was finally ready to talk about it. 

"So, if you hadn't guessed, I'm transgender." Eridan began cautiously, scanning Sollux's reaction, but the taller male remained silent and scarily blank. "My... my family aren't the greatest. I'm not wery proud a them."

"I wouldn't be either," Sol murmured in solidarity. 

"They like to spend their time tellin me w-what a failure I am, and yeah, all these bruises w-were from them. Sorry I lied to you about it."

"I figured they were. No offenthe taken."

"It's father w-who prefers usin wiolence, mother prefers werbally puttin me dow-wn. But.. thats not really important, I suppose. I'm.. not really sure how-w I'm meant to go about tellin you all this."

"Take your time."

They sat in silence on the hood of Eridans car for a few minutes, both staring up at the stars that were beginning to poke out from the clouds. The sky was streaked with orange and red as the sun disappeared behind the horizon, but twinkling spots were emerging in the patches of cloudy blue above them. It occurred to Eridan how little he appreciated the stars, and it almost sent him into tears again when he thought about everything in his life, and how somehow he was sat next to a beautiful almost-stranger as he told his life story, ate shitty food from a shitty convenience store, and dripped with cola that made everything he touched sticky. 

Without realising it, his hand had trailed over to where Sollux's lay. Their hands had slowly interlocked and now lay between the two of them, causing both boys to look down at the connection and then up at each other, mismatched eyes meeting purplish-grey ones behind their respective glasses. They looked at one another like that for a moment before Eridan spoke up and broke the silence.

"I'm sorry for draggin you into all a this," he said softly, giving Sollux's hand a gentle squeeze. Sol hummed in response and leaned a little closer. 

"Well, KK wath the one who actually pulled me in, tho I blame him. Bethideth, itth been fun."

"It... It has?"

"Yeah."

And with that, Sollux's lips were on Eridans, pushing together greedily, as though Sol had been a child restraining himself from a delicious treat, and now he was finally allowed to indulge in it. Their lips stayed connected for a few seconds, moving slowly against one another, hands that weren't interlocked moving up to pull the other participant in the kiss closer. It was a film-worthy moment. Sitting on the bonnet of an expensive car, outside a convenience store at night, the stars and moon above, both parties pulling the other closer in a desperate kiss, as though this was where they were always meant to be, like they'd never be able to do this again.

The kiss was slightly marred by the presence of sticky cola everywhere, but Eridan wasn't complaining. Sollux's lips were soft and tasted like salt and soda, blending with Sollux's natural scent of honey and his cheap cologne to create a taste and smell that sent Eridans brain spiralling in a way that told him this was the most important thing he could possibly be doing, and fuck his family who said he was worthless. 

Eventually they needed to breathe and pulled away from one another, resting their foreheads together and breathing in their mingled scents in this close proximity. Eridan felt tears well up in his eyes again and wiped at them. He wouldn't let emotions get the best of him.

Sol was the first to speak. "Look, ED. I.."

That didnt sound promising. Eridan pulled away a little, frowning in worry. "W-what?"

"I... I really like you, okay? But.."

Those few words had Eridans heart leaping, and then his blood turning to ice. But what? But you're trans? But I cant deal with that kind of emotional baggage? But I've just got better options?"

".. But?"

"But I dont wanna jutht... ruthh into thith when we've barely known each other a week. Would you.. give me the chance to win your heart, fair and thquare? Proper dateth, and, and actually getting to know each other over a long period of time? And then, then maybe we can make thith official? Jutht... once you're thure I'm good enough for you."

Eridan would have laughed at that if he wasn't too busy swooning at how romantic that whole speech was. Sol? Not being good enough for him? If anything it was the other way around. Sol was far too good for him, and fuck whatever bullshit his parents spouted about class and peasantry. 

He realised Sol was anxiously waiting for a response, and collected himself for a probably-underwhelming reply to the swoon-worthy speech the taller male had made. "Yeah.. Yeah. I'd like that. But... If anythin, you're too good for me, not the other w-way around."

Sol laughed shortly, but behind his 3D glasses Eridan could see emotion shining. "I have my own problemth to deal with, ED. At leatht you can put on a brave face."

"So can you!"

"Not very well. We're both fucked up, ED, but thatth... partly why I wanna try falling in love fair and thquare. We can help each other."

"W-what.. w-what sorta problems do you hawe to deal w-with?" ED asked timidly, hoping he wasn't being too forward. Their hands were still entwined together, so he took that as a good sign that the conversation was going well. Sol smiled weakly, and the emotion behind his glasses strengthened.

"A big brother with brain damage tho thevere he thometimeth forgetth hith own name and thometimeth forgetth who I am entirely, a plethora of dithorderth and problemth in my brain and eyethight, my fucking teeth and lithp, money ithueth, hardly ever theeing Dad after he dropth me off each day becauthe he workth until way too late, bitcheth at thcool, allergieth to the only thing that alwayth made me happy, my only hobby ith illegal, I could probably go on but that'd thound like I wath wallowing in thelf-pity and I dont want to do that. Tho."

Eridan stared at Sollux, hoping he didnt look like he was pitying him too much. Sol had turned away slightly, making it harder to see his eyes, but their hands remained interlocked, and Eridan gave Sol's hand a squeeze that he hoped felt reassuring. 

They fell silent after that, but instinctively shifted closer to one another until they were sitting pressed up against one another, Eridans head resting on Sollux's shoulder as the taller fiddled with the smallers rings. Both admitted they knew nothing about astrology, but they began pointing out things in the sky to one another, connecting stars to create their own constellations and naming them stupid things.

Eridan had never really felt more comfortable, especially not in the presence of a new friend. Something just felt so right about leaning on Sollux's shoulder and pointing out nonexistent patterns in the stars above them, ignoring the problems they both had in favour of just existing with one another for a while, even if the experience was sticky and smelt like salt and junk food.

Eridan knew eventually he'd have to return to that white marble hell, and Sollux would have to return to his wire maze of a room, and they'd be apart once again. But for now, the universe had brought them together, close enough to hold each other close and entwine their hands, close enough to talk about stuff that mattered and stuff that didnt, close enough to inhale one another's scent and let it drown out bad thoughts. 

He had the prospect of dates, and wooing, and romantic moments in his future. He had the possibility of falling in love slowly but surely, learning every little thing about Sollux and growing close, creating a connection and a relationship that always felt as right as this moment right here, this moment of peace and comfort. 

And for maybe the first time in his life, Eridan felt truly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aint that cute? 
> 
> This is the last chapter of this fic!! BUT! Mon amigos!  
> There is going to be a hecking SEQUEL! Oh yes! Featuring all those dates and romantic moments and wooing that were mentioned! More on Mituna! More on our little gays! All this and more to look forward to! 
> 
> This just felt like a really appropriate moment to finish up this fic. I adored writing this and all the nice comments I got from people made me really happy, so thank you all so much! I hope y'all will join me for the sequel!


End file.
